Actually, I kinda take back the half-ass part, I really like that they brought up how porn actors are tested [...]]]> Crazy, it’s like they read my post about how the Porn industry is in a unique position to promote safer-sex…
and then kinda half-ass it – but STILL some effort is better than no effort!

Actually, I kinda take back the half-ass part, I really like that they brought up how porn actors are tested regularly (like, more regularly than the average person who tests themselves regularly) – with a lot of studios, they have to present a clean bill of health that’s something like within a month old to even be allowed to work.

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This post, PSA from Adult Film Stars, originally appeared on the s spot on November 18, 2010. If you are viewing it anywhere other than in a feed reader, it was scraped illegally and without my permission. Please email the(dot)s(dot)spot(at)gmail(dot)com and let me know.
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I feel that [...]]]> You may not know this about me, but I do a lot of work in my real life with sex education and promoting safer-sex practices (i.e. getting people to use condoms).  Some of you may even recall that The S Spot got it’s start as an educational sex column in a campus newspaper!

I feel that when you’re talking to someone about sex, you can’t just try to scare them with the facts about Sexually transmitted infections, HIV, and how accidental pregnancy will “ruin your life”; but a lot of sex educators focus on just that.

I remember one time when I picked up my younger brother from school, I asked him about his day and he told me that there had been an assembly about sex ed.  I asked him if he had learned anything interesting and if he had any questions about anything they talked about (figuring that he might be more comfortable talking to me, his older sibling rather than a “real” adult like mom or dad).  He did have a few comments about funny things the teachers had said and how uncomfortable many of them had looked.  Then he said, “I didn’t know that condoms don’t protect you from infections or AIDS”.

I was flabbergasted.  I pressed him for more details – there are some diseases that a condom might not protect you from (depending on where the sores/outbreak is occurring) – but I still wanted to know “what exactly did they tell you?”

My brother then went on to explain how the presentation had showed slides with microscopic views of condoms, revealing that they are full of little holes that might stop sperm but wouldn’t stop infection or disease transmission.  “So”, he concluded, “in that case, I don’t see the point of using them.”

I was stunned and very disappointed – not only had this “safe sex” presentation focused only on the negative risks (nothing about the positive things about having sex), but they had outright lied to these junior high and high school kids in an effort to make them even more scared of having sex.

Ironically, depending on how many other students left the presentation with the same attitude as my brother (“if condoms don’t protect me, why bother using them?”), they actually did MORE damage than if they had said nothing at all!

I took a detour on the way home so that I would have enough time to explain to my brother what was wrong with what he had been told at school that day.  I explained to him about how condoms work, why some girls are on the pill, what kinds of infections there are to be concerned about, what other forms of barriers exist, etc – anything I could think of that a young almost-man might need to know about the sometimes tricky world we live in.  But I also told him that the reason why he needs to know all these things about how to protect himself, is because sex is fun and when he meets the right girl he’s going to want to try it.  I told him that I wanted him to know these things so that when the time came when he wanted to have sex, he wouldn’t have to worry, because he would know what to do.  He would know that he should use a condom, where to get one, that buying them is nothing to be ashamed of, how to put one on – and then he would be ready to have fun.

Not every student who attended that presentation had a “cool” older sister who was willing to take the time to explain the correct information about birth control, STI’s, and prophylactics.  So what happens to these unlucky kids? Do they go out into the world having unprotected sex until they get infected with something serious?  Do they end up at university and read someone who writes a newspaper column like mine?   Maybe, once they’re older, they end up at The S Spot and find the answer to their questions.

Or, if they’re clever (and connected to the internet) they’ll find a site like Scarleteen!

Scarleteen is a pretty bad-ass site where anyone (though they cater to teens) can go to learn more about sex and to find support for their issues, concerns, and questions.  You can read more about them HERE. Scarleteen is the cool older brother/sister who is there to give teens honest and open information about sex – the negative aspects (like STIs) and the positive aspects too (like the fun – woo!).

The weird thing is, Scarleteen is the highest ranked online young adult sexuality resource but it’s the least funded!  Since the youth who need this site most are also the least able to donate, they are calling on people who CAN afford to donate.

What Scarleteen Needs: Last year, Scarleteen needed increased donations in order to get through the end of 2009 and into 2010, in large part because private donations for a few years previous had been so low and left us in a very financially precarious position. We increased our financial goals to reflect the need for a minimum annual operating budget of $70,000. Thanks to generous contributions from our supporters in response to that appeal, while we were not able to reach that level, we were able to raise what we needed to not only get through 2009, but were able to use the funds wisely to sustain the organization through 2010. Our goal now is to continue to work toward that annual operating budget. Ideally, we would like to see a minimum of $20,000 in individual donations each year to combine with funding from private grants. In order for that to happen, we need for current donors to keep giving, and we also also need to cultivate new donors.

This minimum budget is exceptionally cost-effective for the level of service we provide, especially compared to other organizations and initiatives whose budgets are far higher, including those which do not match our reach and our level of direct-service. If you would like more details about our budget and expenses, just contact us via email and we’ll gladly share that information with you.

A $100 donation can pay half of our server bill for a month, or half the monthly cost of the text-in service, or can fund any kind of use of the site, including one-on-one counsel and care, for around 10,000 of our daily users. However, we very much appreciate donations at any level.

If you can, support Scarleteen by clicking the banner below:

BTW, I do still answer reader questions – if you have a question about sex or relationships, feel free to email me about it.

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This post, Sex Education is Important, originally appeared on the s spot on October 17, 2010. If you are viewing it anywhere other than in a feed reader, it was scraped illegally and without my permission. Please email the(dot)s(dot)spot(at)gmail(dot)com and let me know.
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I do have a history of car sickness, but this is not the first time [...]]]>

“Yesterday I was with a brand new partner, I gave him a blowjob, and swallowed. Today, I had woken up around 7am feeling unusually tired and queesy then, around 5:30pm, after a ride in the car, vomited, feeling instantly better afterward.

I do have a history of car sickness, but this is not the first time that something like this has happened. I have experienced this same phenomenon eight times already, six with a ex and, once today, once with a very long term fuck-buddy. This is only the second time this has ever happened with a car.

Help me Super Shay!!
P.S Also, any tips on how/where/what to get a/as first time vibe without a very snoopy parent discovering? Cheap, quiet, mildly powerful, insertable, and rechargable? Doesn’t need ridges or anything super special. Thanks!!“

I feel like the time interval between swallowing his cum and when you started to feel ill is too long for it to be an allergic reaction.  But, I’m not a medical expert.  It could be a coincidence, but 8 times seems like a lot of coincidences.  hmmm

Also, nausea and vomiting are an unusual reaction if it IS a semen allergy – usually people with semen allergies experience more “traditional” allergy symptoms: pain and swelling at the contact site (where the cum touched you), hives, trouble breathing, and swelling.  Also, semen allergies are relatively unusual with oral.  This may be because it’s the protein in the semen that people are usually allergic to, and the acids in the stomach burn up those proteins.

Still, if you think your nausea and vomiting had something to do with the semen and it’s not just a stomach bug or a reaction to something you ate (gluten?), I think your best bet might be to play it safe and avoid swallowing for a while.  Have your partner(s) wear a condom while you give him a blowjob (which is safer for you anyway) or just have him finish by hand – if you know what I mean.

If you still wake up feeling nauseous once in a while that may help you narrow down what is actually making you sick (maybe something else you ate/drank?) – if you never get nauseous again then you might want to talk to your doctor about getting tested for some sort of semen allergy.

As for your other question – how about getting one of those little hand-held vibrating back massagers.  There are ones that have three or four “legs” that you can usually find in a lot of different stores.  And since it doesn’t even look like a sexy vibrator, your snoopy parent(s) will have no idea what you’re really using it for.

Good luck!

less in your mouth might be better...

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This post, Semen Allergy or Just an Upset Tummy?, originally appeared on the s spot on July 5, 2010. If you are viewing it anywhere other than in a feed reader, it was scraped illegally and without my permission. Please email the(dot)s(dot)spot(at)gmail(dot)com and let me know.
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“I’m e-mailing you because something happened last night that I genuinely need advice about. Boyfriend and I were having sex yesterday and really enjoying it, but all of a sudden we looked at each other, both thinking ‘Umm…that feels different’. Anyway we had a look and it turns out the condom had completely split. He asked [...]]]>

“I’m e-mailing you because something happened last night that I genuinely need advice about.
Boyfriend and I were having sex yesterday and really enjoying it, but all of a sudden we looked at each other, both thinking ‘Umm…that feels different’.
Anyway we had a look and it turns out the condom had completely split.
He asked me if I wanted to carry on, I did, so he put on another one and carried on.

I’m not on any other method of contraception. So now I’m quite concerned. I’m not in an utter state of panic, because I know that whatever happens, Boyfriend will be supportive and everything, but I’m still a little concerned.

I’m aware that there are big STD risks with condom breakage, but that’s not what I’m concerned about (he’s been tested between partners, and before me).
I’m concerned that there might be a pregnancy risk, and I’m wondering how big that risk is.
I’ve read on Scarleteen that there’s about a 4% risk of pregnancy, as with the withdrawal method…but I guess I kind of wanted advice from a real, alive, responding person. I know that’s a bit weird but yeah…

This has seriously dented my trust in condoms. I was planning to go on the pill anyway as a backup, but until I do, I’m nervous of having intercourse. This sucks because we both love sex together. We’ve used condoms right from the start and never had any problems but…I don’t know I feel anxious. What if that happened again and we didn’t notice?“

I’ve had condoms break too, it really sucks.

There are a few ways that you can assess your actual risk of getting pregnant in a case like this. Had he recently ejaculated? If no, then there’s a decreased risk that there were any live sperm lingering in his plumbing. Where were you in your menstrual cycle? If you’ve got a regular cycle and you either had your period in the last week or two or are about the have your period, there’s a decreased chance that you have a live egg in your system.

You’re probably fine, but to ease your mind, there is a morning after pill that you can get from your doctor (or your pharmacy, depending on where you live); it will cover you for slip-ups like this if you take it within 72 hours of the scare. (Obviously this isn’t really something you should be relying on on a regular basis.)

Not everyone does it, but it is a good idea to try to use multiple forms of birth control at once – the pill is pretty effective, but if you miss a dose or didn’t take it within the correct window of time, you might want to use a condom too, just to be safe. Until you decide if you’re going to use the pill, you can feel more protected using condoms by adding a spermicidal lube or foam, that way if it does split again and sperm do escape, they’ll likely be killed. :)

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This post, Condom Breakage, originally appeared on the s spot on October 6, 2009. If you are viewing it anywhere other than in a feed reader, it was scraped illegally and without my permission. Please email the(dot)s(dot)spot(at)gmail(dot)com and let me know.
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And you are going to be my first test audience!

Are you honoured? Oh good, maybe that’ll help convince you to go easy on me with the critiquing. ^_~

haha

And so, without further ado, I [...]]]> I’ve decided to dip my toe into the word of video blogging, my dear readers.

And you are going to be my first test audience!

Are you honoured?
Oh good, maybe that’ll help convince you to go easy on me with the critiquing.
^_~

haha

And so, without further ado, I present to you my video debut on the internets!

So what did you think?

You loved it?!
Great!

Psst, if you’re curious about the products I used in the video, you can check out the dildo HERE (remember when I reviewed it?) and the condoms HERE.

Wow… what should I do for my next vid!?

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This post, Shay’s Special Film Friday (so special it’s not even on a Friday!), originally appeared on the s spot on August 20, 2009. If you are viewing it anywhere other than in a feed reader, it was scraped illegally and without my permission. Please email the(dot)s(dot)spot(at)gmail(dot)com and let me know.
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“I feel a little silly asking this because I usually freak out over nothing…but the other day I just saw a commercial for herpes and then I shared a water bottle with this girl I know and I thought to myself is it possible to get that from sharing water bottles…seeing as I’m paranoid after [...]]]>

“I feel a little silly asking this because I usually freak out over nothing…but the other day I just saw a commercial for herpes and then I shared a water bottle with this girl I know and I thought to myself is it possible to get that from sharing water bottles…seeing as I’m paranoid after I drank too I went and washed my mouth ( I really am overprotective about my body). I’m pretty sure my friend isn’t promisicous…I know she stays with one guy but she does smoke and do weed so I just wondered about the whole viral shedding. Hopefully there is nothing to worry about and thanks again!“

The thing is, cold sores aren’t the same kind of herpes as genital herpes.  Also, someone being slutty doesn’t necessarily mean that they A) have genital herpes or B) have cold sores.   If you’ve never seen your friend with a cold sore, then she probably doesn’t have oral herpes.

If she does happen to have oral herpes, then it usually takes skin to skin contact with a lesion or direct contact with saliva. Sharing a drink or eating utensils (or a joint) with an infected person posses a minimal risk, so you’re probably okay; as long as you aren’t making out with someone infected with the virus or letting them give you oral sex.

I hope that helps!

P.S. If you did happen to pick up the herpes virus from making out with someone with a cold sore, washing your mouth won’t necessarily save you as the virus may already have entered your bloodstream through tiny abrasions on/in your mouth.

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This post, Herpes “Scare”, originally appeared on the s spot on June 23, 2009. If you are viewing it anywhere other than in a feed reader, it was scraped illegally and without my permission. Please email the(dot)s(dot)spot(at)gmail(dot)com and let me know.
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The site is called Beyond the Birds and the Bees.

A good friend of mine started a fantastic website not too long ago.
The purpose of this website is to create an online resource – a collection, if you will, of stories of people’s experiences learning and/or teaching others about sex and sexuality.

The site is called Beyond the Birds and the Bees.

In fact, I have yet another reason for you to check out the site;
I have submitted a story of my own to the collection.
You can check it out HERE.

Let me know what you think, either here or in the comment section there.

Here’s an excerpt:

“I’d never seen a condom before (besides the dirty used ones that we occasionally found on the baseball diamond at school and didn’t dare touch) so I was interested to be allowed to open a fresh one for myself. My dad encouraged me to try unrolling it a little way and stretching it to see how durable it was. I did and was suitably impressed with how much the material could stretch.“

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This post, Talking about Sex, originally appeared on the s spot on June 22, 2009. If you are viewing it anywhere other than in a feed reader, it was scraped illegally and without my permission. Please email the(dot)s(dot)spot(at)gmail(dot)com and let me know.
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