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Reader Question – Vag Problem

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I have one of those annoying “Is this normal?” questions.
Usually after a good 10-20 minutes of intercourse, I experience a lot of pain around the outside of my vagina. Most of the time I have to tell my partner to stop and let me finish him with my mouth, which gets a little frustrating. For a few hours after I have sex it REALLY burns when I pee and my labia are BRIGHT red. Sometimes I can’t have intercourse the next day because of the pain.

I’ve been checked for STDs, so I know it’s not anything like that, and I make sure that I’m well lubricated the whole time.. The pain is also pretty superficial; I don’t think I have spasms like I’ve read about when I was researching this.

So, I don’t know. Is this normal for most women after 15 minutes of sex? Is this a sign that my partner and I are playing too rough? should we tone it down? Or is this something that I should definitely go and see a gynecologist about?

You are fabulous, and I love your blog; it’s answered a lot of questions for me already! <3

So, you said that everything is properly lubed, right? Because too much friction would have been my first guess. Other than that, if you’re using a latex condom, it could be that you’re allergic to the latex. Or (if you aren’t using condoms), if you don’t have a problem until after he’s ejaculated, it could be that you’re allergic to that – it happens, unfortunately.

I think this is definitely something that you should bring up with your gyn, they should be better able to figure this out and get you back to having wet and wild sex (for more than 15 mins).

Good luck!

P.S. Since it is V-Month, don’t forget to send me your vag related questions and I will do my best to answer them!

9 comments to Reader Question – Vag Problem

  • Klever

    my g/f and i experience this is. it tends to happen when she’s not as turned on as she could be – so like random “hhm, we’re bored” sex rather than “ooooh la la touch me there” sex. so for us it’s been an issue of lube b/c when she’s more turned on, things are obviously more lubricated.

  • Anonymous

    WHAT!?! How can you say this

    “I have one of those annoying “Is this normal?” questions.

    1) you insulted your reader, publicly no less
    2)sorry if you find your chosen job to be annoying. If this person truly had a problem, do you not think they are worried? Then to have you insult them by belittling them by your.. oh another one of these questions!!!! oh poor me.

    I’m just a bit shocked. I love your blog, but I would be totally insulted if I was that person. They let you know their most personal information and you find it “annoying”!!!!

    Wow… I think you owe her an apology.


  • Shay

    Klever – yup, it’s surprising how many problems can be solved with a little more lube. ^_^ Too bad that wasn’t this reader’s problem, it would have been much easier to fix.

    HB – look again, the very first line of this post is a direct quote from the e-mail this reader sent me; she herself called her question annoying (I try to emphasize the part of the post that is contributed by the reader by italicizing and coloring it). I would never insult someone who was brave enough to ask an honest question.

  • Alain

    This sounds extremely similar to the symptoms my wife used to have. We thought it was related to her being pregnant. As it kept getting worse, we finally figured out that she had a yeast infection. Painful sex, burning when you pee, and the redness of the labia are all symptoms of a yeast infection.

  • Shay

    hmm if feel like if it was a run-of-the-mill yeast or bacterial infection, she would be itchy and sore at other times – not just sore when she’s having sex.

  • Anonymous

    It could be vulvodynia or vulvar vestibulitis, which in turn could develop into vaginismus if you keep putting up with painful sex.
    So while you figure things out, make sure you refrain from intercourse for a while and give your vagina a break. Not many doctors are expert in vulvodynia so make sure you see one who knows her stuff..

    in the meantime, you may want to check out these site:
    there is a page on the difference between vestibulities etc and some links.

    Good luck and you’re not alone, people just don’t talk about it and you don’t see it in pornography but real women have these problems a lot..
    we’re not dolls.

  • Anonymous

    Shay wrote: “hmm if feel like if it was a run-of-the-mill yeast or bacterial infection, she would be itchy and sore at other times – not just sore when she’s having sex.”

    Not necessarily true. I went through a phase like that before. You can have an off-kilter eco-balance where the BV and/or yeast infection is only “activated” by friction. It will look red. In my case, it was like a ring of irritation on the inner labia around the entrance to the vag.

    What cleared it up was 3 fold:
    1. Switch to PH-balanced soap made for the vag. (I use one called Yeast Defense.)
    2. Reduce sugar intake.
    3. Buy boric acid powder and fill gelatin capsules with it. Insert 2x daily for about 10-days, then as needed when any burning feelings start to occur.

    BTW, I learned that it was more likely to occur right before my period when my hormones fluctuated. My gyno confirmed this is pretty common, though some women get it after their period instead.

    PS: There is also a natural lube made by Sensua Organics that is called “homeopathic” formula, made for ladies prone towards yeast infections.

  • Anonymous

    This sounds like EXACTLY what I experienced from the age of 17 until I was about 30 – vaginal vestibulitis, or inflamed glands near the entrance of my vagina. It took several tries before I found a gynecologist who recognized it. I underwent several treatments. In the end it was a combination of silver nitrate injections and surgery to remove the glands that did it for me. I still can’t use any kind of hormonal birth control but as long as I stay away from the pill and nuvaring and use lots of lube I can fuck all night without pain before or after. Good luck!

  • Anonymous

    I’m seconding the “sounds like vulvar vestibulitis” comment. I’ve had VVS for years now and mine is successfully treated with capsaicin. It’s really, really worth finding a good vulvar pain specialist to deal with this, doing research and becoming your own advocate, and seeing alternative pracitioner as needed (acupuncture, PTs, etc). Best of luck–it’s a really sucky thing to have to deal with, but it can be successfully treated.

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