the s spot

These are from two different readers and months apart, but they kinda seemed like they went together. Both women enjoy anal play, and yet each has a problem with it…

“I like anal sex. I even orgasm from it. My problem, and the reason it doesn’t happen very often, is that well, I will generally have some sort of loose bowel movement during. Which is really gross. Is there anything I can do to prevent this? Or is it just something that comes from repeated attempts. I think I’ve only had anal once or twice when this hasn’t been an issue. “

That’s the sort of thing I hear can happen sometimes with anal. I know that some people like to go to the bathroom and use an enema before attempting anal sex for this reason – just to clear things out before they get started. You could try doing that and see if it helps. :)

The next question is a long one.  She did everything right, but still ended up having some difficulties when it came down to the actual sex part:

“My boyfriend and I have been sexually active for about a month now and we’re really enjoying it! He’s quite experienced, and even though I was a virgin when we got together, I am quite knowledgable (thanks to sites like yours!) about sex and sexual health. So as a pair we’re very clued-in, safe and we take good care of one another.
We’re quite adventurous too, and I feel completely safe and at-ease with him. So when he started suggesting anal play, although I had reservations, I was up for giving it a go.
Anyway, play commenced and it turns out I really enjoy it. We started with just talking about it – phone sex etc, then he started using just one finger during cunnilingus…and we agreed to build it slowly.
On a couple of occassions when we were having sex, he’d use two fingers and it felt so good I didn’t even notice it was two, not one. I thought that boded well – I gathered that enjoying two fingers indicated to me that I would probably enjoy anal sex.
Well, after quite some time, my boyfriend and I finally gave anal sex a go.
It didn’t work out…
We did everything by the book. Slow, gentle, relaxation techniques…LOADS (I mean…loads) of lube…but it still hurt a lot (a lot!) I tried to bear with it and give myself a few moments to adjust, and he managed to ease himself in a little…but I had to ask him to stop. He was fine about it and he simply changed his condom and continued how we had been…but I was kind of disappointed.
I have a pretty good pain threshold and can take reasonable amounts of pain…so I know its not just me not liking the feeling – it did actually hurt. I even had spots of blood afterwards (I was fine by the next morning so nothing to worry about.)
Despite all this…I really want to give it another try! (points for enthusiasm, anyone?) But I don’t want to make myself (or him) uncomfortable or disappointed.
I just wondered if you had any more tips for me? Or whether you might be able to explain why it was so uncomfortable for me? Are some backdoors just tighter than others – just like vaginas? Is he too big? Can a girl just be designed in a way that anal doesn’t work? I was on all-fours, would another position be better? Was I just not relaxed? (I was a little nervous)
He said ‘its okay – not everyone likes it, but at least you tried it’…which I think means he won’t ask again, so I want to get a little more clued-up, then suggest another try.

I’d appreciate ANY advice or tips, Shay. “

Have you tried anal again yet? Hopefully, if you have again, by now you’re starting to find it more comfortable. Sometimes all it takes is more practice, really. One thing I would suggest is changing the position; being on all fours with him behind you changes the angles inside your body and shortens your canals. I would suggest you try being on top.  Being on top also puts you in control, so that you’ll know that you can go as slow or as fast as you want and can stop any time. I’m sure you trust your boyfriend to listen to you, but there’s something mentally different when you know you’re in control of something that can make you feel vulnerable like this.

Good luck! ^_^

I was surfing the Internets the other day and came across an interesting paper on semen (hey, that’s just how I roll – randomly coming across papers on semen ^_~).  What was neat about this paper was that a link was found between men’s scores on intelligence tests and the quality of their semen (how concentrated their sperm was in one squirt and how well they swam).  This suggests that intelligence counts as a fitness factor – i.e. being clever makes you seem healthy and will make ladies want to do you.

Which actually makes a lot of sense from an evolutionary perspective because we humans selected for intelligence in our ancestry – which is why we’re smarter than, you know, a mouse and have really big heads.

It makes sense for a bunch of attractive traits to be associated with each other too – like intelligence, cardiovascular health, longevity, and now sperm health/count – because these are all good features in a mate that we’d want to pass on to our kids. PLUS the best way to pass on these traits is through good sperms!

Since we find intelligence sexy* -  it follows that men who are intelligent should also be pretty virile and able to make lots of smart little babies.  Neat!

And that is your interesting, yet random, sexy science fact for today. ^_^

[*Obviously there are cases when intelligence isn't sexy, like when the person is also arrogant or generally a dick, or spends too much time being smart and not enough time developing the other factors that make him attractive. We're just talking really generally here people.]

What?!
No, I didn’t forget about CBW!
I just had a REALLY busy and long today and a busy/long day on Tuesday preparing for it
>.<

Hence the pitcher of  beer, we felt it was needed to wash away this day.

Hmmmm… that reminds me, Cocktoberfest is coming up (*hint hint*)
^_~

Anyway, on to this week’s submission, he’s quite the clever boy and his photo is very artsy!
(as always, make sure you click it)

“Sorry to hear that your CBW pile is running low. It would be my honor to help you restock. Even though we’re in a global recession, there are some things that shouldn’t be viewed as luxuries.“

haha nice

Well well well
It seems a few of you really enjoyed my first attempt at video blogging.

I’ve been getting e-mails asking if I could do another video, this time featuring me reading a section of Diary of a Futa aloud.

If you’ve been wondering the same thing, here is my answer for you: sure, that sounds fun.
BUT

Which section should I do?!

You can find links to all the chapters in HERE if you need to refresh your memory, or just pick one at random.
^_~

Then vote in the following box below:

So, did you have any reasons in particular for picking the chapter that you did?

“I am 19 years old, and am currently involved in a relationship. He is also 19 and we’ve only been having sex for about a year, prior to which we were both virgins. The thing is we had wanted to have sex sooner, and had been trying for about a year and a half before it actually happened, but every time we attempted intercourse My vagina just plain and simple was not very accepting of his member. It absolutely would.not.work! It was almost like my bajingo* would just brick it self shut the minute it even sensed penetration!

We took it slow and sometimes we would make more progress than others, and we had started to think I maybe had vaginismus or something, and stopped trying. Until one day, a few months later, we gave it another go and it worked and it was wonderful and blah blah all great things a first time usually entails. Obviously, it’s not very relevant anymore but to this day I’ve always wondered what was going on there, after suddenly it just worked I sort of just eliminated vaginismus as an option.“

Wow! That is an unusual phenomenon – I mean it’s not common, but not so unusual that I haven’t heard of that happening before. Sometimes no matter how slow you take things, some part of you is still nervous about having sex and that part seems to get control of the muscles in your vag and clamp it shut. For some women is can become a serious problem (like vaginismus), but for others (like yourself) it passes in time as you become more fully relaxed and comfortable with the idea of having sex. It may have been that your body just needed a little extra time to warm up to sex, even if you mentally felt ready yourself.

Anyway, I’m really happy to hear that things did work out after-all! 

*please take a moment to process this term, I did…. “ba-jin-go”…. wow, that’s a new one to me.

Now, when a toy claims to be better than chocolate I can’t help but perk up my ears (or in the internets’ case, my eyes?) – and I’m not even really that much of a chocolate addict!  Nomi Tang seemed pretty confident about their BTC vibe, so I just had to check it out – courtesy of my friends at Babeland.

The feel of the toy is pretty unique, it’s covered in a skin-safe elastomer that feels soft, but textured (it’s kinda hard to explain).  The shape is also relatively unique; it’s curvy in all the right places so that it’s easy to hold and contours to a body nicely.  And to chalk up another feature under the “unique” column – the controls are pretty cool too.

The BTC vibe has one power button and the rest of the controls are part of a touch sensitive slide device.  The instructions say that you can slide your finger along it to increase the intensity of the vibration and/or speed up the pulse pattern.  To change the setting (pulse or steady) you hold your finger for two seconds on one end of the slider (the part closest to your hand).  When you find a patern/intensity that works for you, you hold your finger on on the other end of the slider and that will lock the program in. The slider lights up blue normally and changes to red when the program is locked so you can tell what’s going on, even in the dark. The BTC vibe is also submersible (to 1 meter underwater); but enough about it’s features, let’s get on with the review!

What I liked: We all know I’m a sucker for a good pulse pattern and I loved that this one was relatively customizable, since I could adjust the speed to whatever I wanted using the slider. I found that the intensity of the vibration was good enough for me too.  I was pleased to find that this toy is fairly quiet (since I have a flatmate now), though if you share a room with your roommate, I might be a little more difficult to sneak using this toy – it’s quieter, but not silent.  I also liked the texture and shape of this toy, as I mentioned above, I found that it felt nice and was very comfortable to hold – the texture also makes it less slippery if your hands are wet with water or lube (or whatever).  The slider technology was pretty cool and super easy to use – which is nice when you’re busy with “other things” and don’t want to deal with tricky controls.

What I didn’t like: At first I thought that the slider didn’t work, because I was using it on the steady vibration setting and couldn’t perceive a change in the intensity – for me I found that the slider mainly only worked for speeding up or slowing down the pulse settings.  No big deal, but it did say in the instructions that I could use it to change the intensity and didn’t specify that this was only for the pulse settings.

This toy would be great for: anyone looking for a neat vibe for external use (it does have a narrow tip that you could insert, but not more than an inch or two).  It’s a pretty unique toy and would be worth your time if you’re thinking of upgrading from a more simple toy – like the pocket rocket.

The Better Than Chocolate Vibe gets a sweet 9.5 out of 10 from me:

The best of this week’s blogs by the bloggers who blog them. Highlighting the top 3 posts as chosen by Sugasm participants. Want in Sugasm #173? Submit a link to your best post of the week using this form. Participants, repost the link list within a week and you’re all set.

This Week’s Picks
A Hot Fuck in a Parking Lot
“We got more daring and soon clothes were a hindrance to our insistent hands.”

I Think I’d Rather Misbehave
“I bet the secret thrill of this has your cock already climbing to attention.”

The Painter
“He says something, small talk, and I stutter something back, lost in the blue depths of his eyes.”

Sugasm Editor
Strildo?

Editor’s Choice
Yet Another Reason You Should Buy a Vibrator

More Sugasm
Join the Sugasm

Hmmm looks like I announced a winner to the Aural Sex Contest prematurely.

Apparently our previous winner has left the internets for one reason or another, and I can’t just let this fabulous prize languish forever!

So I busted out the all-knowing random number generator again and in it’s wisdom it picked a new winner, a winner who replied to me within minutes of my e-mailing them!

Congrat to Danielle!

We hope you’ll enjoy the Music Vibe and hope you will let us know if our musical predictions were right!
^_^

Thanks again to Babeland for awesomeness.

In honour of my first week back at school,
this week’s submission is wearing a few books – which reminds me, I have to pick up textbooks tomorrow (ugh).
(as always, click-through to see the full image)

“It will be an honor to send you a photo for your CBW.  I live in Washington, DC and even though I am European, I decided couple of years ago to have a circumcision.  Here is the result.“

So, what do you think?

“I am young only 18 and in a commited relationship. Recently I have found e few other guys that I desperately want to have sex with. My boyfriend is really closed minded about multiple partners. What would be a good strategy to get him to allow me to have only sex with other men. I would think it would be hot if I knew he was sleeping with other girls.
Please help, I really want him to see it my way.“

Having an open relationship is not something that everyone is emotionally equipped to do (even with guys, despite their reputation).  It takes a certain kind of person to comfortably switch back and forth between having sex with a special friend and making love with their partner.  Even the people that I know who are in poly or open relationships have had to struggle a lot with their own feelings as well as the feelings of their partner(s).

I’m not surprised that your boyfriend isn’t interested in having other men sleep with his girlfriend; like many people he probably worries that you might fall in love with one of these other guys or prefer them to him in bed.  Your boyfriend may also be worrying already that you aren’t satisfied with him and that’s why you want to have sex with other men – this is something you will need to reassure him about.

If you really are interested in sleeping with multiple partners, you may have to form some sort of agreement with your boyfriend; perhaps you could suggest trying a threesome.

If, in the end, you can’t make a deal that works for both of you, try being single for a while – at least until you find a partner with your similar interest in open relationships.

Good luck!

Perhaps some of my readers who have successfully navigated this tricky “hey hunny let’s stay together but have sex with other people too” territory could offer some more insight. ^_^