“I have two questions:
I bought my gf some “wonder balls” and the description of the clerk was that they were toning and massaging marbles. By what we figure by the illustrations, they are inserted into the vagina for periods of time. My question is how long is it still safe to use? they’re like solid blue glass marbles, and she’s even slept with them on, but I have my wonders…

And the second one was referring to an orgasm she had two weeks ago. We were in the shower and she had a rush when she climaxed, she poured down a lot of blood. She said she really couldn’t help it, but what she was really worried about was that when the blood came down, she felt it really strong, and she was scared to maybe even have broken something. What do you think?“

As long as the balls are glass (or phthalate free) I don’t think there should be any harmful effects if she wanted to wear them all day.  It’s not the kind of toy that constricts blood flow or that would leak any harmful chemicals – so as long as it’s comfortable, she can wear them as long as she wants.  Though she may find that her vaginal muscles get tired, so she’ll want to take breaks.

As for your other question, you two don’t need to worry.  Sex is great when a woman is on her period because it eases cramps and can help the bleeding finish sooner.   This is partly because the flared head of the penis sorta pulls fluid and material out of the vaginal canal (see HERE) AND because of something neat that often happens when a woman orgasms…

When a woman orgasms, her internal muscles will often pulse and/or clench (which might also help push blood out), but the major thing is that her cervix tents – it flexes and opens wider for a moment.  This could be why suddenly a whole bunch of blood poured out of her.  This kind of deluge can happen, but doesn’t always – it depends on the circumstances (how heavy her flow is, whether you pulled out, etc etc).

I hope that helps answer your questions!

------

This post, Things in Vaginas, originally appeared on the s spot on October 1, 2010. If you are viewing it anywhere other than in a feed reader, it was scraped illegally and without my permission. Please email the(dot)s(dot)spot(at)gmail(dot)com and let me know.
------

“Dear Shay, i’ve got a quick n short question for you
i’ve been in a relationship for more than a year now, and we’re, of course, sexually active since the begining of our relationship
we have sex 3 to 4 times a week, and since then, i’ve never masturbated: i don’t see the need, and the quality of the orgasm that i can get masturbating is not even close to the one that sex delivers. Of course, i’m not counting when she masturbates me)
the problem is this: since last week, first her and now me got the flu, and i think i’ll arrive at the 2 weeks without sex mark easiyly. Do i wait until we’re both healthy again? do i venture on masturbating on my own? can you give me any tips on either improving my mastubation, or ease the wait until i can do it again?“

O.o
As I’m sure many of my single readers (or those who are in long distance relationships) can attest, it’s not like 2 weeks without sex is going to kill you.  In fact, it might make it that much sweeter when you two do feel well enough to have sex again.  So I’m not sure why this is such a big deal.

But hey, maybe I’m jaded?

Personally, unless you’re really really sick, I don’t see why recovering from the flu should get in the way of having sex.  You’re already bundled up in bed and, unless you’re vomiting/running a high fever/super achy, you two might enjoy a little tender sick-sex.  It boosts your immune systems and the shot of endorphins is great when you’re not feeling so hot.  Besides, if you’re too sick to have sex, you’re probably too sick to jerk off too.

But hey, maybe I’m just a crazy person and maybe your partner is too shy to let you see her when she’s sick and lounging around in her pajama pants and a hoodie.

I’m sure one or two guys might disagree with me, but in general, masturbating is not going to feel as good as when your partner either has sex with you or does it for you, it’s just not.  I’m sure you’ve perfected your technique as best as you can over years of practice; so I’m not sure what I can suggest for “improving your masturbation”… um… use lube?  Get a masturbation sleeve? Perhaps some of my other readers may have some other tips?

I hope this helps. :)

------

This post, Too Sick for Sex?, originally appeared on the s spot on August 31, 2010. If you are viewing it anywhere other than in a feed reader, it was scraped illegally and without my permission. Please email the(dot)s(dot)spot(at)gmail(dot)com and let me know.
------

“Dear and beloved Shay, I was chatting with some guys yesterday and they came out with a video of girls kicking each other in the vaginas. What surprised me was how bad the girls reacted to the kicking. They just got to the floor with the face like they were heavily in pain. Just like the same way we do when we’re kicked in the balls.

I didn’t know that a kick there would hurt that bad. And here it comes the question….why does it hurt that much?? I don’t know anything about the female anatomy and that was just too surprising to me, I thought the closest part of your body that’s remotely sensible as our balls were your inner genitalia, and well, that’s well protected. I can understand the vagina being a sensible zone but, to that extend?

Just in case, and since it’s the other way around for you I’ll describe the feelings from a male perspective (You probably heard this already =/ ): – When we are immediately hit “in the nuts”, we feel a sharp pain, kind of like when you got a cut. But that’s just the easy part, after that a strong and uncomfortable feeling of something trying to pull out the lower part of your stomach area assaults you, it is very intense and painful. Also, the balls are sensitive (the bad way) for a while. Does it feel like anything similar there?

And that’s it.

I hope you don’t mind this kind of question, as I feel you can do a better and more trustworthy search on the matter than myself.

From a male lurker with Love.“

Kicking each other in the vagina?! Oh god! Why are there so many stupid people doing stupid stuff and filming it?!

As a girl I once slipped on my bike and slammed my crotch into the crossbar of my bike and BOY DID IT HURT!!

Despite not having balls, we women do have a lot of nerves in our crotches as well; actually, if you have a look at this diagram here – a lot of our structures that can get hurt when a man gets whacked in the crotch are the same in women.  The clitoris (a woman’s major nerve junction down there) also has branches that extend down, underneath the labia – and it would suck pretty hard to hurt that area as well.

In conclusion, a good knock to the crotch can bring most anyone to tears, regardless of gender.  I think guys just make a bigger deal out of it because their balls seems so much more vulnerable – being so important for reproduction and just kinda hanging around out there and all, I can see how that might make you guys nervous.

I hope that answers your question! haha

clickthrough to see the hilarious animation

Share This Post:

------

This post, No One Likes a Knock in the Junk, originally appeared on the s spot on August 21, 2010. If you are viewing it anywhere other than in a feed reader, it was scraped illegally and without my permission. Please email the(dot)s(dot)spot(at)gmail(dot)com and let me know.
------

“Hello I’m a long time fan first time writing to you, anyway my problem is this I’ve been with my girl for four years, we both lost our virginity to each other. I have been trying to spice things up by suggesting using toys like Bullets, vibrators. Every time I hint on wanting to use one she says no. Is there anyway I can convince her to start using toys in bed.“

You can’t force anyone to try something that they aren’t interested in – but there’s no harm in presenting a situation where playing with toys would be convenient.  This way your partner would have the opportunity to try out something new (or not, depending on how they feel) without putting in too much effort themselves.

But first, you have to think about how you’re presenting this idea to her.

If you are suggesting to her that you’d like to try using toys because you’re bored in bed, that might hurt her feelings.  She might not be bored; she might be enjoying herself plenty and you suggesting bringing toys into the bedroom might be making her feel inadequate or threatened.

If you want to try experimenting with toys because you think she will like it and because you think it will be fun for both of you – say this to her.

I don’t see any harm in surprising her with a little buzzy device (but it should be something small and un-intimidating like THIS or THIS or THIS) – HOWEVER, there should be no pressure for her to try it out.  Have it there as an option, but don’t try to cajole her.  The little vibe is there just for fun; if she’d like to see what it’s like while you two are fooling around then that’s great, if she’s not into it this time, that’s okay too.

My bet is that she’ll be curious and want to give it a try at some point, but like I said at the top – you can’t force it.

------

This post, Introducing Toys to a Reluctant Partner, originally appeared on the s spot on August 10, 2010. If you are viewing it anywhere other than in a feed reader, it was scraped illegally and without my permission. Please email the(dot)s(dot)spot(at)gmail(dot)com and let me know.
------

“I am 18, and a bit of a loner. I have never been in a relationship of any kind, and I’d just like to ask how the entire process works.  I have girl friends, of course, but it’s the all important space between the words. As a bit of background, I am a geek, smart, but socially inept. I have no idea what to say to people, and thus never make the first move in any way. If someone else starts a conversation with me, I can generally muddle along, but I am forever second guessing myself. I would not say that I lack confidence, but I tend to be very self-conscious, especially about what others think of me, not so much my appearance. For example, this is the third rewrite of this question I’ve done, because I am often considered to be arrogant, and I am really trying hard to remedy this. At this point, I’m not even sure I have a question, or whether I just need to tell someone how insecure I’m feeling. “

It sounds like maybe what you need is just more experience with people; this will make it easier for you to get a handle on the complicated ways that people relate to one another. Also, the more you spend time with people, the easier it will become for you and you’ll grow to be more confident/comfortable. Confidence is important because it’s something that other people pick up on, especially the women you might want to date.

In fact, sometimes even pretending that you are confident/comfortable in a situation can make you feel more confident. Act relaxed and you’ll feel more relaxed, etc.  As they say “fake it ’till you make it”.

Also, don’t worry about all the girls that are your friends: friends who are girls often have other friends who are also girls and they may be happy to introduce these friends to you as romantic prospects. ^_^

You say you’re very busy in your life, so I think it might be good for you to take some time to relax and plan some outings with friends – go with them to a party once in a while. It will give you the opportunity to watch how other people interact and will give you the chance to meet some new people and practice becoming more comfortable interacting with people.

You could even plan to go see movies with friends – this kind of outing is great if you’re worried about having something to say to other people, because you can just talk about the movie.  ^_^

Relationships can be built many different ways.  Some people end up in romantic relationships with people they started out being friends with; this offers the advantage of being involved with someone who you already know you get along with and with whom you have things in common.   Other people end up in romantic relationships more spontaneously, perhaps after a blind date or after meeting when out with mutual friends.

You never know how you’re going to meet a romantic partner, so they key is to be open to seeing it and make a move when you think they might be interested.

I hope this helps!

Going for drinks after a show is a great idea because it automatically gives you a topic for small talk

------

This post, Dating and Relating, originally appeared on the s spot on July 26, 2010. If you are viewing it anywhere other than in a feed reader, it was scraped illegally and without my permission. Please email the(dot)s(dot)spot(at)gmail(dot)com and let me know.
------

“My Girlfriend is into anal play. She likes to play with me in that area plus she wants me to play with her there also. I am not at all comfortable with her playing with that area on me, but it is something she really enjoys and REALLY wants to do. I just can’t let her I almost want to hit her when she tries, that is how uncomfortable with it I am. Plus is it even safe to put an unprotected hand in there? She is so into Anal play and I can do it on her but I can’t let her do it to me, what should we do?“

On one hand I want to tell you to loosen up (literally) because I was raised to always give new things a chance.  Besides, it sounds like your girlfriend just wants to share something with you that she really enjoys.  There IS a lot of fun to be had by the men who are willing to try anal play – in fact, I’ve written a whole post about it HERE.  So if you just relax and open yourself to this new experience you could discover a brand-new way to enjoy your body as well as a new way to have sex with your girlfriend.
(If you’re interested, I have a whole series of posts on anal stuff HERE.)

HOWEVER
On the other hand, I don’t think that people should have to do things in bed that they are uncomfortable with.  If you’re not ready (even if you’re never ready) to try anal play yourself, you have a right to say no – just like anyone else.  It may disappoint your girlfriend, but it’s your body and you get to decide what happens to it and what goes inside it.

You will have to talk to your girlfriend and tell her how you feel – let her know that you’re not ready (and that you may never be ready) to let her put even her pinky finger up your bum, but that you’re happy to stimulate her anally if that’s what she’d like.

I hope that helps!

------

This post, Afraid of Anal Play, originally appeared on the s spot on June 13, 2010. If you are viewing it anywhere other than in a feed reader, it was scraped illegally and without my permission. Please email the(dot)s(dot)spot(at)gmail(dot)com and let me know.
------