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Hi, I'm Shay.

Welcome to The S Spot!

This is a positive space where I talk about sex/sexuality, publish my toy reviews/guides, and post some pretty sexy images and videos. ^_^

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Clits and Orgasms

i was sexually tramatized repeatedly during puberty and a pysiological effect of that is TINYYY clit. i cant seem to achieve true orgasm because there is little way to stimulate i. i dont even masturbate because i get so little pleasure out of it. is there anyway i can stimulate it?

I’m so sorry to hear about your childhood trauma, that is a terrible thing that no one should ever have to experience. The resulting psychological trauma can be very difficult to deal with, so I am very happy to hear that you are taking steps not to let your past get in the way of your present life being sexually healthy.

Obviously I don’t know exactly what happened to you when you were younger, but I do know that clits are supposed to be quite small and the vulva comes in all kinds of shapes and sizes (see HERE for examples). I don’t think that you should assume that you are abnormally small because of past trauma – it may be that yours is quite normal and you didn’t even realize it! :)

I’m not really sure what you mean by “true orgasm”; there’s no rule that says orgasms have to feel a certain way or be a certain “strength” – everyone is a little different are so are our orgasms.  If you mean that you don’t think you’re orgasming at all, well…

It could be that you’re dealing with more of a mental block than a physiological one. For this, you might find the help of a sensitive sex therapist quite helpful.

If you do believe that you’re dealing with more of a physical issue, you could try any number of things to stimulate yourself – THIS post might help you.

Good luck!



Comment from Julien
Time July 14, 2009 at 5:40 pm

I’m sorry as well to hear about what an awful start into sexuality life has given you. I myself was never abused, but as someone who dated a girl who was raped as a child, I hope you don’t mind if I throw in my two cents. The thing that stands out in my memory is that the path towards becoming physical was a frustrating experience for both of us… I won’t lie to you about that. She always felt awful when things would ‘go wrong’, and I’d feel like an ass when I pushed things too far. However, I want you to know that I loved her, and that sex wasn’t the defining point in her life or our relationship. Just cuddling and being close to her was wonderful, and in time she learned to enjoy the physical stuff more and more. I want you to know that you aren’t broken… if you’re having trouble with masturbation and / or sex, it might help to spend some time exploring your body and learning to be comfortable with yourself and with the idea of sex (and this blog is a great place to start, imo). If you’re coming up against a wall, I’d suggest shifting your priorities a little bit… dress up in some fun lingerie, explore yourself in a mirror, learn to be more comfortable in your skin and don’t worry about what you’re ‘missing’ or ’supposed’ to experience, and you just might find that things get easier.

Comment from Julien
Time July 14, 2009 at 6:20 pm

Also, I’d urge you not to make Shay and us your sole source of advice… if you’ve got questions, please talk to your doctor (if you feel comfortable with that) and / or find a sex therapist to talk to. You might also see if you can find any sexual abuse support groups or forums… RAINN immediately comes to mind: ( ).

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