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Hi, I'm Shay.

Welcome to The S Spot!

This is a positive space where I talk about sex/sexuality, publish my toy reviews/guides, and post some pretty sexy images and videos. ^_^

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Getting Off Together Like You’re Alone

I’m finally with a guy I’m really in love with and we have a regular sex life. I enjoy it very much and he’s fantastic in bed and out, but I find sometimes I’m horny, but just not in the mood for… Him. It seems that I have two separate kinds of horny: Horny for my guy and horny for well, just some alone time.
This was easy to balance up until a few weeks ago when he invited me to watch some porn with him. We’re both very open about it but I just can’t seem to combine the two feelings. If I watch porn, I’m in the mood for just myself, if he gets me riled up I just want to be with him. Is this a common problem?
What should I do?

I totally understand your feelings. Sex is fun, there’s no denying that, but sometimes you do just want to get off alone. It’s no insult to your partner, it’s just like any other kind of special alone time - like going for a jog.

It’s great that you and your partner are open about all these aspects in your relationship!

My suggestion for watching porn together is to gradually combine these two kinds of horny. Why don’t you suggest that the two of you masturbate together while watching a porno? That way you’re getting satisfaction from yourself, but you’re doing it together, with him there too.

The next step would be to try having him get you off, but in the way that you would do yourself (i.e. with his hands or whatever other toys you might use) - while you do the same to him.

A lot of couples (yes, even ones who already have sex together) can get a lot out of mutual masturbation - it’s like a different kind of kinkiness, since masturbation is usually something that people keep very private.

I hope this gives you some fun ideas. ^_^


Comment from Pati_bifemme
Time December 5, 2008 at 10:54 pm

I understand completely too. Somehow we were educated (?) not to really enjoy ourselves..alone..less of all with company.
Im married now for quite awhile and im lucky to share this mutual mastubating sessions with my husband. They can be soooo exciting…in a way sometimes,
much more, exactly cause of what Shay said…it´s something so personal your it.
Some other times I am just in the mood for a good erotic reading or a hardcore movie, hehe, and simply let go…so your not alone on that

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