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Hi, I'm Shay.

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You Don’t Always Have to “Get It Up” for Them to Get Off

My partner and I have been sexually active for about 6 or so months. Now, she wants to have sex all the time, where as I don’t as much. It really upsets her when I don’t have sex with her as much as other couples, she thinks she’s a freak because her sex drive is so high. I don’t know what to do, how do I make myself want to have sex more? (by the way, I’m a girl)

Miss-matched sex drives can be troublesome in any relationship, but I don’t think you (as the person with the lower drive) should try to force yourself to “want” to have sex more - that could just end up ruining the fun for you overall and we certainly don’t want that.  On the other hand, I know you don’t want to feel like you’re letting your partner down or are leaving her feeling unsatisfied.

The best thing you could do would be to talk to her: let her know that your sex drive is just lower right now - it’s not that you don’t enjoy the sex, because you do, and it’s not that you’re not into her, it’s just that you’re built a little bit differently.

You can also try encouraging her to masturbate - in my relationships it’s always understood that either of us can masturbate if we want to, even if the other one is around; especially if the other doesn’t feel like having sex.  You could also try meeting her halfway, if she wants to feel connected to you while she gets off, use your hands to get her off.  This way you can still pleasure her but you don’t have to worry about “getting it up” yourself.

I’m sure my readers will have things to say on this topic as well. ^_~


Comment from Mihal Aviri
Time November 25, 2008 at 3:53 am

That seems to be some very nice advice, I might pass that on to my girl. She is into both sides and it is a bit draining, though so are the girls she brings home. What would you suggest as a way for both of them to have fun even if she has problems getting off without a man watching? This has proven to be a problem the last few times I was working when she came home.

Comment from Envyonymous
Time November 25, 2008 at 11:22 am

Mihal Aviri, I’d love to have your problems.

Comment from Dee
Time November 29, 2008 at 11:45 am

Masturbation is a great idea; my wife and I masturbate if front of each other all the time. Not only can it help ease a few tensions, but sometimes watching your partner get off can turn you on even if you thought you weren’t in the mood. It can be satisfying all by itself, or the start of a whole lot more!

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