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“hi shay
I’ve been reading your blog for about a month and I was wondering how to suggest to my wife that we try out swinging and or adding a second female to our bed for some added fun… we have been married for 16yrs and have both been faithful. But I would like to try it and am not sure how to tell my wife ….
any suggestions?“
Threesomes and swinging can be a very tricky subject for any couple.
Before you broach this topic with your wife, you need to think long and hard about why you’re interested in trying this. Is it because you thought it might be fun for both of you? Is it because you really want to see your wife have sex with another woman (or man)? Is it because the idea of having other people watching you have sex with your wife turns you on? Or is it because you want to have sex with other women and this seems like a “safe” way to do it?
Regardless of your reasons, introducing additional sexual partners to your bedroom isn’t something to take lightly; as I’ve said before, it can put a serious strain on a relationship.
One of the things you should think about is how you might handle it if you discover that this new person can give your wife just as much pleasure as you(or more) – or how she might feel if the circumstances are reversed. Many people forget to consider how shocking it might be to hear/watch a long-time partner making that special “O” noise with someone else at the reins (so to speak).
And once you’ve introduced the idea to your wife – if she’s receptive – you’ll again have to talk about this together before you actually do it. You’ll both have to decide how you really feel about sharing each other with someone else. You both need to anticipate that doing this could be amazing and open a whole new world of pleasures, but that it also has the potential to sour your relationship (what if one of you falls for the third? what if one of you feels left out? what if one of you break the rules?).
As you broach the subject with your wife, you’ll have to reassure her that she does satisfy you and that you aren’t just looking to sleep with another woman because the suggestion of a threesome can make a lot of partners feel insecure. (Though if she actually doesn’t satisfy you and you are just looking to sleep with another woman, you might want to just suggest couples therapy or divorce counseling instead of a threesome.)
Maybe try warming her up to the idea before you suggest it by watching porn together of threesomes and swinging couples – get the idea into her head that this could be a really good and fun thing for you to try together. If she does seem receptive, try suggesting that you make a trip to a local strip club together and have one of the girls give you each a lap dance; this can be a sort of primer to give you both a taste of what an FFM threesome might be like and how it might make each of you feel.
If she turns out to be receptive to the idea of having a threesome or swinging, ask her who she might like to invite, or you can put up a personal ad together. You blurting out the names of potential thirds (like “that girl from my office” or “your friend Sasha”) could make her feel like you just can’t wait to screw some other person; so let her be actively involved and in control of the planning and set up.
I’ve written a couple of other posts in threesomes and swinging that you should check out HERE and HERE.
Good Luck!
My advice to the male half of this relationship is to steer clear of it. If you are one of the very rare lucky few men who happens to have a budding bisexual wife who has always had a hidden desire to watch you have sex with another woman while she watches and participates, then you are a God to all men.
My experience has been that most of my even passing girlfriends have been extremely defensive and insecure with the idea. Somehow it’s better for them emotionally and psychologically if ‘it just happens’ without active planning, because once they have to start thinking about it it becomes a chore and a whole lot of baggage can get thrown into the relationship that otherwise would have remained safely tucked away. They might start dreaming up scary scenarios of you going nuts with the other woman and your main partner feeling left out or ignored. And we all know even the slightest situation that can make a woman feel insecure sexually can spell doom for the relationship or start the poison in her mind leading eventually to a breakup.
My wild and crazy came with two very very attractive girls, both of whom I was introduced to through my friend. He was casually dating the one and even he had a hard time getting her to slip into a threesome with another woman and each knew the other was also seeing other partners! I mean even with that much casualness she couldn’t do it with him! But me, being the guy who partied with them a couple of times, neither girl really caring much for me beyond wanting to have fun, well, they practically orchestrated it one night and pulled me in. Why was it easy then? Because neither girl cared if i did whatever I did with the other, and so we all had fun and walked away from it feeling wild and wonderful. You see, his girlfriend was open to the idea but just not with him because she had a modicum of attachment to him.
Steer clear my friend, steer clear. Once you’re married it’s better to leave it as it is, or better yet, make it a genuinely business transaction, pay for it and be done with it. They won’t tell, they won’t come knocking on your door, they won’t bother you, because they knew why they did it and are happy with the business arrangement aspect of it.