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Hi, I'm Shay.

Welcome to The S Spot!

This is a positive space where I talk about sex/sexuality, publish my toy reviews/guides, and post some pretty sexy images and videos. ^_^

I also answer reader questions - so feel free to send me a message and ask me anything. (Check my archives to see what other people have asked too, maybe someone had the same problem you did!)

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Generally Making Sex Better in General

I have been with my bf on and off for about 3 years. I have noticed in the last few months or so that I have been having a harder time with the sex aspect. Are there any pointers you can give me to make my sex life better?

Your question is a little vague - you’re having general trouble with the sexual aspect of your relationship and want tips for making your sex life better in general? Alright, here are some general tips ^_^

1. Be healthy - eat healthy and keep active. When your body feels good, your mind can feel good: you need both for a rockin’ sex life.

2. Communicate - talk to your partner about how you’re feeling and what you want/need; while you’re at it, find about about them too.

You’d be surprised how much relationship drama can be avoided when people just talk honestly with each other a little more. Plus, he’s never gonna know that you want to try DP or have a threesome with a girl from your office if you never tell him.

3. Watch porn together - I’ve said it many times, porn is a great aphrodisiac and can also give you some pretty fun ideas to try in the bedroom.

4. Make time for sex - I know scheduling sex seems kinda lame, but sometimes that’s the sort of thing it can take to keep your sex life going when the rest of your life is busy and exhausting.  Besides, knowing that you’re going to be having sex that morning / lunch hour / night can help keep you (both) turned on all day, looking forward to it.

[But be flexible, don't have sex just because your day-timer says you "have" to: if you're not feeling it, re-schedule and do something else fun together (watch a movie, give each other a massage, have a nice meal, etc). On the other hand, don't keep putting it off, give yourself a chance to see if all you need is a little gentle "coaxing" ;)]

5. Use your imagination and be open to new experiences - kinda self explanatory, but still essential.

I hope this helps answer your question and gives you some good ideas!


Comment from Ki Two
Time September 9, 2008 at 2:34 am

I like a combo of #4 and #5…making time to come up with ideas about what to do later…honesty + planning + building anticipation, yum :) Good tips!

Comment from Maikeru
Time September 9, 2008 at 6:19 am

Number 1 is a very important point. For a lot of guys libido would seem to increase with overall athletic ability/fitness (possibly the Darwinian thing where fit = fit enough to reproduce). Also, more cardiovascular fitness can lead to more physical stamina that can come in handy when the guy’s on top and needs to keep a quick tempo for prolonged periods. For girls cardiovascular fitness and some moderate level of strength can definitely help a lot when on top or during a rear entry position.

I love number 3! One tends to get quite a few ideas while watching things together. If you find something that both people enjoy then watching can help a lot. I personally find hentai a bit more successful mostly due to the fact that the plot and acting tend to support the mood nicely as well as having some rather interesting fantasy scenarios that can lead to some fun stuff to try afterwards.

Number 5 is one that I’ve used a lot. Nothing is more exhilarating than the idea you’ve cooked up using a little bit of libido and some experience.

Comment from Leftbrain
Time September 9, 2008 at 11:46 pm

Perhaps being on/off has subconsciously blocked you from fully giving in to the moment? Maybe this is the physical manifestation of your reservations about this person? I would think very seriously about were you want to go with him and why the relationship does/doesn’t work.

Comment from badinfluencegirl
Time September 12, 2008 at 10:31 am

be advised that if women have tight pelvic floors they can have trouble with orgasm. if they’re loose they can have trouble with incontinence… so not just fitness but something with pelvic floor will help.

hey not just girls, men with weak pelvic floors have issues with their stamina

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