People tend to think of the holiday season (at least the more commercial aspects of it) as being a children’s thing – but as we get older, does that fascination with a magical north pole just leave us, or can it change and mature with us?
Take Santa for instance; when you’re a kid he’s just a jolly old man who brings you toys if you’ve been nice to your siblings “all year” and remembered to brush your teeth every day.
But now that you’re older, you are mature enough to realize that Santa is clearly the ultimate voyeur. Now I know he’s just making sure that the kiddies are keeping their noses clean, but what about when he checks out us adults? I mean, he SEES you when you’re sleeping and he KNOWS when you’re awake, therefore he must also be able to spy on WHAT you’re doing when you’re awake in bed (and elsewhere). No wonder he’s so jolly – he doesn’t have to worry about buying porn because he’s got a ready supply of amateur action that he can tune into whenever he wants to take a break from checking his lists.
All I know is, the next time you’re getting your jollies, make sure you smile for ol’ Nick, because he might be checking out your naughtiness at that very moment.
Since Santa’s been watching you, of course he must realise that you’ve worn out yet another vibrator and that you really need a new one in your stocking this year. But how is he going to get one for you?
Santa must have a whole separate contingent of sex toy making elves, who work all year making fabulous items for all the adults on the “nice but naughty” list. A big double dong for Jan and Jen, a small pink butt plug for Scot, a glow-in-the-dark strap-on for Ashley, a vibrating cock-ring for Tim – Santa knows exactly what everyone wants and, of course, his elves can make anything. I wonder if Santa models for all the realistic dildos? Do you think he tests out all the new toys with Mrs. Claus, or does he have the elves do it?