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Reader Question – Am I Expected Bare?

Dear Shay-

I come seeking advice. You’ve given out advice to people before, and you seemed like one of the best people to ask this question.
I am 18 and have never really been in a meaningful sexual relationship. In all of the porn I read/see/etc., the women are portrayed as having shaved pussies. My question is: is it an expectation that girls do this? I keep mine trimmed, but I just don’t think I’d have the time/energy to be shaving it all of the time. Plus, what if I cut myself? What do guys “expect” to see when they get down there?

Thanks very much, and once again, keep up the great work!

Personally I think that trimming one’s pubic hair should be about personal comfort. But when you’re looking around for examples of what other people do and what potential lovers might expect, I can see how things can get…hairy.

In mainstream porn, it’s true that the majority of the women seem to be either totally shaved or only have a tiny landing strip, but porn stars keep themselves groomed like this for two main reasons.

One reason is that they are being paid to have sex, and the people paying them to have sex want to be able to see everything, hair is removed so that the viewer can see exactly what’s going on (which is sometimes just a heck of a lot of red bumps from ingrown hairs).

The other reason is that the makers of porn are trying to cater to what they think the average viewer wants, and apparently they think that the average viewer wants to see women clean shaven.

Which now begs the question, if these “average viewers” do want this, how many now only want it because that’s what they’ve seen in porn? And this leads into your question – if your future lover(s) has been watching a lot of porn, is (s)he going to be expecting you to be clean shaven as well?

And you know what hun, I suspect not, they are just going to be happy to be allowed to see that part of you.

Trimming will be just fine for keeping things looking neat and for making sure that you don’t have any hair getting in the way of your activities when you do reach the right time for your first serious sexual encounter.

Shaving might be something you decide to do once in a while as a treat or might be something that you later decide to do regularly – but there’s no need to worry that someone is going to be disappointed when they get in your pants, because they certainly won’t be, no matter what your hair style is.

I decided to consult my little brother about this question as well, since he is 18 as well he seemed like a good person to ask about the expectations of men in your age group.

My brother says that even among people in his age group there is still an expectation that people will keep their pubic hair in order. He went on to agree with what I said above – that trimming is generally enough to ensure that a lover will be suitably impressed. Shaving isn’t necessary, he says, but trimming is essential.

(By the way, if you’re looking for some trimming and shaving tips, did you see THIS post of mine?)

[more reader questions answered HERE]

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10 comments to Reader Question – Am I Expected Bare?

  • ~A-Lo~

    Great write up Shay…trimming should be expected if not manditory…I don’t think anyone is turned on by a big bush…i could be wrong though.

    I personally like the “landing strip”…but keeping up with the maintaining part is brutal…but it’s so worth it.

    Great work Shay, and good question too!

  • Pandora

    I think u said it wonderfully! I like a well trimmed lover.. going bare is not expected :)

  • Whatever

    I think being trimmed would be sexier than either being completely bare or letting it grow wild :-) As I recall just “being there” was way-awesome-cool, so I can’t imagine a guy taking a look, blurting “Your pussy isn’t trimmed right!” and then running off or giving you a 30min lecture.

  • single gal

    my personal choice for myself is waxing.
    i prefer on others at least trimming. that’s all.
    don’t give into pressure – be comfortable with yourself.
    besides, you’ll get fewer of those damn ingrowns if you don’t shave or wax.

  • Anonymous

    groom, groom, groom, ’60′s afrom muffs must never be revived!
    here’s the lowdown..waxing if brunette or darker…if you can’t wax a very tight not attempt to shave bare unless you have light and fine hair…a crew cut on a chick with dark hair is sexier than a bumpy stubble.

  • Shay

    ALo – I think there are some people who like big bush, but maybe those people are more rebelling against the nude look.

    Pandora – Yes trimming shows that you care about how you look for your lover – even the little things like that can be meaningful.

    Whatevs – Exactly! Even if it does happen to be messy that week, a guy isn’t going to refuse to have sex with you just because you don’t look perfectly groomed.

    Single – Yes! Don’t give in to pressure and be comfortable withyourself, that’s exactly right! ^_^ boo ingrown hairs, hooray self confidence!

    Stroker – hmm I never really thought about it, but yeah that sounds about right. ^_^

  • frhe sjgg

    Personally, I have a great waxer, and go totally bare !!! My cop said he likes that (he’s into oral sex) and I’m happy to please !
    Anne Elizabeth

  • exile

    as a guy i can let you know that i perfer shaved/waxed compaired to “natural”

    it’s just far more inviting to have it shaved and trimmed.

    going down on a tumble-weed is not that plesant…

  • woodinhand

    In between for me. I like it trimmed up nicely.

    Every now and again, for “special” occasions she will shave, but thinks it takes too much time to keep it that way.

    I like a little pussy hair there, not a jungle. Just one horn dogs thought.

    And to be honest, I have never “expected” a woman to be any one way. However they kept it, it was fine by me. I wasn’t about to pass up pussy cause of a hair do ;)

  • Sheen V

    I like it trimmed for her and me, although I do shave regularly.

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