the s spot

“hi shay
I’ve been reading your blog for about a month and I was wondering how to suggest to my wife that we try out swinging and or adding a second female to our bed for some added fun… we have been married for 16yrs and have both been faithful. But I would like to try it and am not sure how to tell my wife ….
any suggestions?“

Threesomes and swinging can be a very tricky subject for any couple.

Before you broach this topic with your wife, you need to think long and hard about why you’re interested in trying this. Is it because you thought it might be fun for both of you? Is it because you really want to see your wife have sex with another woman (or man)? Is it because the idea of having other people watching you have sex with your wife turns you on? Or is it because you want to have sex with other women and this seems like a “safe” way to do it?

Regardless of your reasons, introducing additional sexual partners to your bedroom isn’t something to take lightly; as I’ve said before, it can put a serious strain on a relationship.

One of the things you should think about is how you might handle it if you discover that this new person can give your wife just as much pleasure as you(or more) - or how she might feel if the circumstances are reversed. Many people forget to consider how shocking it might be to hear/watch a long-time partner making that special “O” noise with someone else at the reins (so to speak).

And once you’ve introduced the idea to your wife - if she’s receptive - you’ll again have to talk about this together before you actually do it. You’ll both have to decide how you really feel about sharing each other with someone else. You both need to anticipate that doing this could be amazing and open a whole new world of pleasures, but that it also has the potential to sour your relationship (what if one of you falls for the third? what if one of you feels left out? what if one of you break the rules?).

As you broach the subject with your wife, you’ll have to reassure her that she does satisfy you and that you aren’t just looking to sleep with another woman because the suggestion of a threesome can make a lot of partners feel insecure. (Though if she actually doesn’t satisfy you and you are just looking to sleep with another woman, you might want to just suggest couples therapy or divorce counseling instead of a threesome.)

Maybe try warming her up to the idea before you suggest it by watching porn together of threesomes and swinging couples - get the idea into her head that this could be a really good and fun thing for you to try together. If she does seem receptive, try suggesting that you make a trip to a local strip club together and have one of the girls give you each a lap dance; this can be a sort of primer to give you both a taste of what an FFM threesome might be like and how it might make each of you feel.

If she turns out to be receptive to the idea of having a threesome or swinging, ask her who she might like to invite, or you can put up a personal ad together. You blurting out the names of potential thirds (like “that girl from my office” or “your friend Sasha”) could make her feel like you just can’t wait to screw some other person; so let her be actively involved and in control of the planning and set up.

I’ve written a couple of other posts in threesomes and swinging that you should check out HERE and HERE.

Good Luck!