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Hi, I'm Shay.

Welcome to The S Spot!

This is a positive space where I talk about sex/sexuality, publish my toy reviews/guides, and post some pretty sexy images and videos. ^_^

I also answer reader questions - so feel free to send me a message and ask me anything. (Check my archives to see what other people have asked too, maybe someone had the same problem you did!)

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Hi Shay
Was just wondering your views on cybersex. Do you like it? Do you think its good or bad? Have you tried it etc

Hmmm my views on cybersex, that’s kind of an odd question.

I guess cybering is something I was really into when I was younger (like, in high school) – it was much more titillating before I actually started having sex for real. After a while, of course,  I lost interest in cybering completely because having sex for real or watching/looking at porn to get off was much more appealing to me.

So I guess, personally, I find cybersex uninteresting both as a way to communicate with others or as a means for getting off.  Somehow it seems juvenile to me now; though I understand that many other adults do enjoy it quite a lot and I certainly wouldn’t put anyone down for enjoying it – whatever floats your boat people.

As for whether I think it is good or bad, that’s really hard to say.
If you spend too much time having cybersex with people online that’s kinda bad; but it can also be a fun distraction and can help you work out a “script” to give you an idea of how things might go down when you do get to have sex irl.

I hope that answers your questions.


Comment from Mr. C
Time March 31, 2009 at 11:26 am

Perspective from an active perv: I like cybersex. To me it’s like an interactive form of erotica where two people get together and write a hot mini-play for each other. I wouldn’t use it to replace real-life sex, but it complements it in a lot of really great ways. There are some pros and cons though.

To set this up a bit: my experience is largely in text-based chat forums, which means relative strangers, and no cams. I have done the cam thing, with an actual partner, and it occupies a whole different space in my sex-world. When it comes to webcams I’m with Shay – it’s a poor second-cousin to actually getting laid.

Cybersex Pros:
- You can act out fantasies that might not be easy to realise: threesomes, N-somes, futa, that weird one where you turn into an animal during sex, etc.
- You can develop a little creativity, and build up your dirty talk repertoire in a pretty non-threatening situation (this comes in handy more than you might think)
- You can be whomever or whatever you want.
- You can learn a lot about others’ sexual fantasies. I have a voyeuristic streak, so I often let my partners assign my appearance – it turns out 6′2 hung black guys have more fun than blondes.
- I have some very good friends now that started out as cybersex partners. Bonus: they’re smart and literate, and also smokin’ hot (since I usually refuse to trade pics. ;) )

Cybersex Cons:
- Finding good partners is hard. There are a lot of people out there who are about as literate as my dog. Cybering with them is very ‘I insert tab A into slot B. Repeat as needed. Oooh yeah.’
- Believe it or not, people sometimes turn their online cyber partners into real partners psychologically. Make sure you and your partner(s) are on the same wavelength, because people do feel betrayed by perceived “cheating” in this context.
- Be careful relying too much on cyber partners for shaping your view of sex in the real world. In chat rooms nearly every woman is bi-curious, into anal, and wants to be dominated. These can all be found in the real world, but not nearly as commonly.
- If you don’t like reading and/or writing erotica, it probably won’t work for you.

Obviously if you’re in a relationship and your partner doesn’t know you’re off experimenting with futa threesomes, be prepared to find yourself single. Most people would consider it cheating. And don’t be surprised if the hot Indian bi girl you meet turns out to be a an obese 35 year-old mechanic from Kentucky. I think most people are more honest than that, but it’s still the internet – anonymity is part of the point.

Mr. C

Comment from Prospero
Time March 31, 2009 at 11:29 am

Shay, allow me represent the other side. To me, cybersex is the latest version of erotic correspondence — something that goes back centuries. And yes, perhaps for long-distance lovers of the past or present, what they write or what they cyber can be a script for what they will do when they finally get together. On the other hand, it can also be a complete riff, having nothing to do with anything you would ever do in real life, something you might do but in a place you would never do it, and so on. Cybersex can be virtual seduction; it may lead somewhere real or it may not. You may know the person on the other end or not. If not, then feel free to picture them however you want… assuming you don’t have cameras… it doesn’t matter, since it’s a fiction anyway. And sometimes, that can even be the point. That two people can get each other worked up and then walk away, perhaps even to boink someone real in the next room. I guess what I’m trying to say is that clearly there’s piss-poor cybersex and then there’s something else. Everyone? Go cyber with a writer! Maybe it’ll make you feel like you’re in high school again! (Alas, I’m old enough that my high school cybering was limited to Lori and I setting up an empty locker as a dropbox for copious exchanged notes. Times and technology change.) Anyway, I have sex all the time with my partner; I am ancient; and I still like cybering. For me, it’s creative and more interesting than viewing porn (though the latter is simpler and often more productive, ESPECIALLY with said partner.) Not that I have an opinion. Nope. Not me.

Comment from Mr. C
Time March 31, 2009 at 11:41 am

Prospero: *Fist bump*

Heh. Apparently us old guys differ from you young hot things in a lot of ways.

Comment from Shay
Time March 31, 2009 at 11:44 am

Hehe thanks boys!
I was hoping a few cybering fans would comment and give their opion, because I was very sure that not everyone feels the same way I do about cybersex. ^_~
Maybe I’ll get back into it when I’m older, tee hee.

Comment from PsycheDiver
Time March 31, 2009 at 11:59 am

I’m still enjoying it, since I don’t have the opportunity to get physically involved with anyone other than my lady. I could understand how it can get old over time though…

Comment from PsycheDiver
Time April 1, 2009 at 9:00 am

I have to say I mirror Prospero and Mr.C’s comments, however I don’t think cybering will hurt a relationship if there’s good communication and trust.

I think a good writer who’s knowledgeable and comfortable with erotica should cyber, for the sole reason that it’s a fun way to sort ideas.

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