the s spot

So many of my readers seem to worry about sex positions (esp girl on top), but really it’s nothing to get flustered about:

Hi Shay, My boyfriend and I have just recently started getting.. intimate. He was my first, and we aren’t particularly experienced. We’ve been talking about trying different things, like positions, but we don’t exactly know what to do. I mean, we know what we want to try and all, just some basic things to start.. but I guess we’re just both nervous because neither of us have done them before. I know I get embarrassed easily if things don’t go right, and I feel like I’m doing something wrong. We’re both really eager and want to have fun, but I was just wondering if you had any suggestions on how to.. make things go more smoothly, I guess?

My suggestion is to try to relax and stop worrying to so much. ^_^  Sex is supposed to be fun, so don’t worry about making mistakes.  If you try a position and it doesn’t seem to be working, just switch to  another one - there’s no need to get embarrassed.

There isn’t really a way to “do” sex wrong and sometimes you can discover amazing things when you make “mistakes”.    Being relaxed and willing to make “mistakes” is what will really help things go “smoothly”.  The best thing you can bring to the table er… bed is your eagerness and willingness to have fun - the rest you two will discover together.

“Hello Shay! When my boyfriend and I have sex and I’m riding on top, I find it very nice…but I feel as though I cannot do it for long periods of time; it makes me uncomfortable because sometimes I feel like “he” is pressing against my intestines or something when I move back and forth. This sometimes causes crampage or a need to use the bathroom- which is uncomfortable anytime I’m having sex. I know both of us would like be happier if I would ride him longer without taking breaks, is there some magic technique? lol I wish I could be more specific, but any bit of your feedback would be very appreciated!“

I wish I could give you some sort of magical cure, but I don’t think I can.  However, since you are the one on top for this position, you do have the freedom to move how you want and keep adjusting your body until you find positions that are more comfortable for you.

It may also help if you right to avoid rocking back and forth with him fully inside you - i.e. make sure that you’re moving up and down along his shaft, not back and forth with it swooshing around inside of you (gosh, this is a hard phenomenon to describe!).

Keep experimenting! I’ll sure you’ll also be able to find other positions that you like as well, then you can just switch to a new position when one starts to get uncomfortable.

“Hey Shay, first off, I’d like to extend my gratitude for your website - it’s so great that there’s a safe, humorous and comfortable (not to mention Canadian!) site on the web where people like me can get great advice.
All compliments aside, I need advice: I’m very uncomfortable with the girl-on-top/cow-girl position.  I find that, whenever I get on top, I don’t know what to do. Is it rocket science? Everybody else seems to have it so easy, but I just freeze up and get really uptight and self-conscious, which basically ruins the rest of the sex. I’m not looking for an instruction manual (although that would be nice, too!) but I desperately need some tips. I know sex is all about communication and feeling comfortable with your partner, etc, but let’s be honest - it’s not easy to ask that really hot guy from your Russian Lit class what to do when you’ve spent the entire night acting like a sex goddess. So please, I’d be grateful for any advice!“

Don’t worry, it doesn’t take a PhD to be good at sex, but it might take some confidence, creativity, and maybe even a little rhythm.

You see, I’m starting to develop this theory about the “girl-on-top” sex positions.  From what I can gather from the e-mailed questions my female readers keep sending in, part of the problem is not knowing what to do once they get on top.  The answer is simple my lovelies: you lean forward over your partner, you smooch him, and you rock your hips so that his cock slides smoothly in and out of you.

Here’s where my theory comes in: a number of ladies have written in who sound like they aren’t too sure how to go about this rocking thing - but really it’s similar to how you might rock your hips when you’re dancing (or - for the small percentage of women reading this who, like me, took English riding lessons when they were younger -  it’s like when you’re cantering on a horse).

So what’s my mysterious theory for the “girl-on-top” sex positions?  That more women need to take dancing lessons; I’m talking sexy salsa, grinding hip-hop/soca/dance-hall, belly dancing, etc - anything that gets you moving your hips.  The more you practice moving your hips on the dance floor, the more you should be able to transfer those sexy rolling hip motions to sex when you’re in control and on top!

Well, that’s my theory anyway.