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Hi, I'm Shay.

Welcome to The S Spot!

This is a positive space where I talk about sex/sexuality, publish my toy reviews/guides, and post some pretty sexy images and videos. ^_^

I also answer reader questions - so feel free to send me a message and ask me anything. (Check my archives to see what other people have asked too, maybe someone had the same problem you did!)

I've been writing for a while, so go ahead and explore my site - I'm sure you'll find what you're looking for, and if not, let me know!

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Positional Worries

So many of my readers seem to worry about sex positions (esp girl on top), but really it’s nothing to get flustered about:

Hi Shay, My boyfriend and I have just recently started getting.. intimate. He was my first, and we aren’t particularly experienced. We’ve been talking about trying different things, like positions, but we don’t exactly know what to do. I mean, we know what we want to try and all, just some basic things to start.. but I guess we’re just both nervous because neither of us have done them before. I know I get embarrassed easily if things don’t go right, and I feel like I’m doing something wrong. We’re both really eager and want to have fun, but I was just wondering if you had any suggestions on how to.. make things go more smoothly, I guess?

My suggestion is to try to relax and stop worrying to so much. ^_^  Sex is supposed to be fun, so don’t worry about making mistakes.  If you try a position and it doesn’t seem to be working, just switch to  another one - there’s no need to get embarrassed.

There isn’t really a way to “do” sex wrong and sometimes you can discover amazing things when you make “mistakes”.    Being relaxed and willing to make “mistakes” is what will really help things go “smoothly”.  The best thing you can bring to the table er… bed is your eagerness and willingness to have fun - the rest you two will discover together.

Hello Shay! When my boyfriend and I have sex and I’m riding on top, I find it very nice…but I feel as though I cannot do it for long periods of time; it makes me uncomfortable because sometimes I feel like “he” is pressing against my intestines or something when I move back and forth. This sometimes causes crampage or a need to use the bathroom- which is uncomfortable anytime I’m having sex. I know both of us would like be happier if I would ride him longer without taking breaks, is there some magic technique? lol I wish I could be more specific, but any bit of your feedback would be very appreciated!

I wish I could give you some sort of magical cure, but I don’t think I can.  However, since you are the one on top for this position, you do have the freedom to move how you want and keep adjusting your body until you find positions that are more comfortable for you.

It may also help if you right to avoid rocking back and forth with him fully inside you - i.e. make sure that you’re moving up and down along his shaft, not back and forth with it swooshing around inside of you (gosh, this is a hard phenomenon to describe!).

Keep experimenting! I’ll sure you’ll also be able to find other positions that you like as well, then you can just switch to a new position when one starts to get uncomfortable.

Hey Shay, first off, I’d like to extend my gratitude for your website - it’s so great that there’s a safe, humorous and comfortable (not to mention Canadian!) site on the web where people like me can get great advice.
All compliments aside, I need advice: I’m very uncomfortable with the girl-on-top/cow-girl position.  I find that, whenever I get on top, I don’t know what to do. Is it rocket science? Everybody else seems to have it so easy, but I just freeze up and get really uptight and self-conscious, which basically ruins the rest of the sex. I’m not looking for an instruction manual (although that would be nice, too!) but I desperately need some tips. I know sex is all about communication and feeling comfortable with your partner, etc, but let’s be honest - it’s not easy to ask that really hot guy from your Russian Lit class what to do when you’ve spent the entire night acting like a sex goddess. So please, I’d be grateful for any advice!

Don’t worry, it doesn’t take a PhD to be good at sex, but it might take some confidence, creativity, and maybe even a little rhythm.

You see, I’m starting to develop this theory about the “girl-on-top” sex positions.  From what I can gather from the e-mailed questions my female readers keep sending in, part of the problem is not knowing what to do once they get on top.  The answer is simple my lovelies: you lean forward over your partner, you smooch him, and you rock your hips so that his cock slides smoothly in and out of you.

Here’s where my theory comes in: a number of ladies have written in who sound like they aren’t too sure how to go about this rocking thing - but really it’s similar to how you might rock your hips when you’re dancing (or - for the small percentage of women reading this who, like me, took English riding lessons when they were younger -  it’s like when you’re cantering on a horse).

So what’s my mysterious theory for the “girl-on-top” sex positions?  That more women need to take dancing lessons; I’m talking sexy salsa, grinding hip-hop/soca/dance-hall, belly dancing, etc - anything that gets you moving your hips.  The more you practice moving your hips on the dance floor, the more you should be able to transfer those sexy rolling hip motions to sex when you’re in control and on top!

Well, that’s my theory anyway.


Comment from exile
Time January 12, 2009 at 7:53 am

i always think it’s interesting when i see questions on here from people who are “new to sex”. glad to see the people that need to learn are comming to the right place to do it

Comment from Martin F
Time January 12, 2009 at 10:08 am

Shay, you do have the best advice ever. It is so good to hear you say the magic words “salsa” and “belly-dancing”… And do it slow… A search on Youtube could be a good start. Best of luck.

Comment from Magpie
Time January 12, 2009 at 8:42 pm

This has been great - thanks so much :)

Comment from Squiffy
Time January 13, 2009 at 12:04 pm

Great advice once again Shay. I think the woman (or man) on top is a good position for a partner to control the depth and/or pace during sex. I have tried it for anal sex as well with good results. Good luck! I’m off to think about Shay in her riding pants now.

Comment from camilla
Time January 13, 2009 at 6:39 pm

I too am one of those women who hate being on top because it doesn’t seem to do anything for me, PLUS the awkwardness of not knowing what to do kills the mood.

What do you mean by, “it’s similar to how you might rock your hips when you’re dancing”? I dance by swinging my hips side to side. But I think of rocking as a forward and back motion. Can you clarify?

Comment from Shay
Time January 13, 2009 at 11:56 pm

It’s not just about moving your hips from side to side - in the dancing styles I mentioned you move your hips in more of a circular motion (sometimes figure 8s), obviously when you’re having sex you would emphasize the back and forth over the side to side movement - like cantering on a horse. haha

Comment from Shay
Time January 14, 2009 at 12:13 am

I feel like about 0.1% of my readers are reading this and saying “oh yeah, it’s exactly like cantering on a horse, what a prefect example Shay!” While everyone else is like “… riiiiiiiight” lol

Comment from sillybit
Time January 14, 2009 at 8:34 pm

I have much more trouble trying to roll my hips while dancing than I ever do while having sex on top…of course, when I’m on top, I generally use my legs to move me up and down, which is probably not what you’re talking about here…I can’t keep it up for too long either, hard on the knees…I find reverse cowgirl (facing his feet) a lot more comfortable, easier on my legs, plus he hits me in just the right spot then!

Comment from Shay
Time January 14, 2009 at 8:38 pm

Excellent! It’s all about experimenting and finding out what works best for you!

Comment from Maikeru
Time January 15, 2009 at 9:39 pm

A lot of girls seem to fret when on top since they don’t know what to do. Some lean forwards and attempt to do a guy-like thrust (which tends to result in awkward bending of the penis or the penis falling straight out when the girl lifts her hips back), others squat while making their back end follow a motion akin to girls in rap videos, while other just do straightforwards hard up and down stroke while kneeling.

However, you may be right regarding your dancing theory. I had a friend who preferred girl on top and pretty much had the hips and pelvis move in a very steady, metered, but unrelentingly pleasurable way. Being the well-rounded, well-educated person that she is, it wouldn’t surprise me if she had taken some manner of social dance lessons.

Anyway, your theory may also say something about certain paired social dance trends such as the lambada, the resurgence of salsa, as well as more recent dances like those that go with things like reggaeton and salsa with reggaeton beats—the name of which escapes me at the moment.

Comment from Beth
Time January 16, 2009 at 2:07 am

Great advice Shay! You gotta roll your hips like a soca queen when you’re on top!
Maikeru… uh way to try to say the exact same thing as Shay did in her post… but come off sounding like a douchebag

Comment from Magpie
Time January 16, 2009 at 6:54 pm

I totally get the horse example - but I guess that’s what ten years of riding does for you. Haha! I knew it was going to come in handy someday!

Comment from Julien
Time January 19, 2009 at 5:36 pm

To all you boys who are reading this, don’t think you’re off the hook - you should absolutely be dancing as well. Why, you ask? Well, there are tons of reasons: dancing is a great way to increase your stamina, to teach you how to respond to and move with a woman, to show you how your body moves… and even if none of these matter to you, dancing is a super-sexy way to meet women, or to spend a night out with your significant other.

Comment from Maikeru
Time January 22, 2009 at 4:12 am

I’m merely agreeing with her regardless of how it may seem. That and I’m confirming her theory. Call me what you’d like, but know that I’d prefer you take a kinder way of hinting than your semi-attacking tone. ^_^

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