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Hi, I'm Shay.

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Blow, Blew, Blowing

I was chatting with a good friend of mine about Monday’s post (the one about the guy who can’t cum and it turns out it’s because people keep walking in on him).

My friend felt that it really can’t be called a “blowjob” if he doesn’t cum at the end of it, because it’s just not the same act anymore.  So I asked him, “would you still call it ’sex’  if there’s penetration but nobody orgasms?”  He wasn’t too sure.

So what do you think?  Is a blowjob still a blowjob if it’s incomplete?  Does it need a new term?
Is a hand job still a handjob if no one cums- or is it just feeling someone up?  Is masturbation still masturbation, or is it just playing with yourself?

Is our lexicon lacking in preciseness for sexual acts?  If spanish can have words to distinguish between a fish that is alive, a fish that is dead, and a fish that is dinner, why can’t we have words for every aspect of something like a blowjob?

Or do you think the terms already exist and I’m just overlooking them?


Comment from Ang
Time September 18, 2008 at 7:42 pm

In my personal opinion, it is still a blowjob. HOWEVER, I will ask my Native American boyfriend tonight on our date and see if THEIR language has any more specifics… ;)

Comment from Megan
Time September 18, 2008 at 10:20 pm

Haha, how is it NOT a blowjob? I guess I don’t understand your friend’s point of view that a sexual experience that includes several different acts can’t be identified both wholly (as in a “sexual experience”) and also by its parts (a “blowjob” followed by “intercourse”).

For instance, my boyfriend has a very very hard time getting off from oral (he still enjoys receiving it, but that issue combined with my messed-up jaw means he almost always gets finished in another way). Is it correct to say that in the 3 years we’ve been together, he’s only gotten 3 or 4 blowjobs, if that’s the number of time’s he’s cum in my mouth? I don’t think so, since I regularly include oral as part of foreplay or combined with a hand job. My finishing him off with my hand doesn’t negate the fact he just got a blowjob.

Of course, if it was just a blow job and no offer to finish him off, I’d call it teasing!

Comment from Urilicia
Time September 19, 2008 at 12:14 am

Um… my friend calls it beating around the bush if you don’t finish it.

Comment from Julien
Time September 19, 2008 at 2:01 am

I agree with the posters above that for lack of a better term, a blowjob that isn’t finished is still a blow job. However, the other side of the argument might be: if I was starting to have sex with somebody, and I experienced people-interruptus (somebody walked in and we had to stop), could I then say ‘I had sex with that person’? I don’t think I could… I’d have to say ‘we were trying to have sex when…’.
So if we do need a better word, especially for what Megan is describing, might I suggest ‘blowplay’?

Comment from sweat shop sissy
Time September 19, 2008 at 8:36 am

our rule of thumb is, it’s not sex unless one of us has an orgasm. otherwise it’s just foreplay.

Comment from Maikeru
Time September 19, 2008 at 9:39 am

A blowjob without cumming is a just a blowjob without the grand finale. I mean I’ve had blowjobs, handjobs, and intercourse without finishing and I still call them their respective sex acts.

However, if we’re to define “lesser” acts of sexual nature, things are a bit different. “Feeling up” isn’t a handjob if one’s intent is to arouse and not to move the person towards orgasm. It’s like the difference between ruining your pot of rice by using too much water and making rice porridge—essentially it’s the same, but the intent was different. I mean even if someone does orgasm from being “felt up” it’s really not a handjob per se (please reference that one scene with the exchange student in “American Pie” as an example).

Comment from Shay
Time September 19, 2008 at 9:39 am

Ang - hawt! let me know what he says ;)

Megan - I guess he just doesn’t view sex acts as gestalt, but I agree that does make it even more complex when you do you orgasm, but switched up activities before getting there. haha

Urilicia - lolz

Juien - ooo blowplay; I like that! ^_^

SSS - hehe I think that works!

Comment from Elton Andersyn
Time September 19, 2008 at 12:06 pm

I typically give any form of sexual act (BJ, HJ, penetration of any type) the 5 minute rule - If it lasts for 5 minutes or longer, it’s sex even if no one cums.

Anything under 5 minutes is just playful fun. My wife and I will often get in some “P for P,” or “Penetration for penetration’s sake.” The idea is to feel penetration as if it were an appetizer or snack, not for the purpose of completion. When we get in some P for P, we never count it as sex.

Comment from eve
Time September 19, 2008 at 1:42 pm

Let’s ask former President Clinton. I seem to remember he had an interesting take on what was considered “sex” and what wasn’t. Of course, we don’t actually know if he came from that infamous blow-job, but I think we can assume….



Comment from Nowboy Ceal
Time September 19, 2008 at 2:35 pm

It’s blowjob fail. That’s all.

Are you dyslexic or is “copywrite” some joke?

Comment from Gadfly
Time September 20, 2008 at 2:28 am


Now that you mention it

I’ll have to say “it is blowing”

But not a blowjob

If it’s not to completion.

That whole “job” thing specifies a particular bit of work done ;-)

Kind’a like in physics equations. No matter how hard you push against something, no “work” is actually done unless something moves ;-)

Comment from Ki Two
Time September 20, 2008 at 5:08 am

I think if you’re asking/wondering/debating if it’s a blowjob, then it’s a blowjob. Same for sex. Shouldn’t be able to “semanticize” your way out of a blowjob. :P But I do like thinking about things like this, hehe.

Comment from Al Sensu
Time September 20, 2008 at 2:50 pm

Eve, unfortunately we DO know that Bill finished because the evidence was on the famous blue dress.

I think hand and mouthwork are not “jobs” when part of foreplay. Otherwise, all (hand,blow, “sex”) count whether orgasms happen or not.

Comment from exile
Time September 21, 2008 at 11:58 pm

i say it’s still a blowjob, just not a complete blowjob.

(though, in this situation, i usually refer to it as head, seeing as though i had not “blown” anything yet… yet)

Comment from awarmsoul
Time September 22, 2008 at 6:21 pm

I’d say that he’s been sucked off, but he’s not had a blowjob

Comment from just passing through
Time October 15, 2008 at 10:19 am

“Of course, we don’t actually know if he came from that infamous blow-job”

He did. Don’t you remember Monica’s blue dress? She saved it because he came on her chest. The DNA was tested and confirmed sometime during the whole legal sh!tstorm about the matter.

Comment from Greg & Sheryl
Time October 15, 2008 at 1:16 pm

He brings up an interesting point. The “blow” in “blowjob” is derived from the act of ejaculation, so you could argue that fellatio can’t accurately be called a blowjob unless it is done to completion. You could also argue that any kind of “job” is not finished until it results in a cumshot. However, these are merely semantic technicalities which are fun to debate but not much else. It ultimately doesn’t matter what terms you use as long as you get your point across.

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