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The Point is Pleasure, not Pain

My girlfriend get really apprehensive when I try to go down on her. She says its too much for her to handle. I am no doctor, but I am guessing that her clit is just ultra sensitive or something. Any tips you could give me on how to get her to be more open to letting me go down on her and on how I could maybe do it in a way that will not make her uncomfortable with the amount of pleasure shes getting.

oralNo matter how sensitive a woman’s clit is, there’s a point where stimulation doesn’t feel good anymore and it can almost feel painful – and it sounds like this is where you’re taking your gf when you go down on her. So it may not be so much that she’s uncomfortable with the “amount of pleasure she’s getting”, but that she isn’t getting much pleasure at all.

Try easing off a little: instead of diving in and attacking her clit, lick everywhere else instead. Spend more time on her labia and her inner folds. If you do go after her clit, take it easy: lick really gently and stay on the outside of her clit hood.

You also need to be willing to STOP when she says she’s had enough.

If she still finds that it’s too much for her, then cut it out. The point of giving her oral sex is to give her pleasure, right? If she doesn’t find is pleasurable, then there’s no point in doing it. Everyone’s body is a little different and there’s no reason for you to try to force her to conform to the idea that “all women enjoy oral sex”.

If she doesn’t like it, I’m sure you can find some other ways that you’ll BOTH enjoy to get off. :)

2 comments to The Point is Pleasure, not Pain

  • Julien

    To offer a guy’s perspective: yeah, there are just some girls that are really sensitive, and even with less sensitive girls too much direct stimulation of the clit can turn her numb. However, one thing that I’ve found is that working slowly can do wonders. Try kissing up and down her legs, her lower stomach, pretty much everywhere _but_ her most sensitive spots, either before or while you manually masturbate her. If she’s ok with it, try slowly moving your lips or nose over her most sensitive areas, and remember that oral sex is more than directly licking her clit… there’s plenty of fun to be had (gently!) nibbling and teasing, and as Shay said working on her labia. If she’s just too sensitive for oral sex to get her off, she’s not alone, and you might consider using oral as foreplay, starting with your mouth before moving on to other ways of stimulating her.

    The most important thing is to communicate with her… perhaps it’s not pleasurable for her because she’s uncomfortable with the idea, in which case your best bet might be to explain to her why you find it sexy and try to figure out why she doesn’t (fyi, some girls are uncomfortable with their smell and / or other things, which Shay has talked about in earlier posts). If it is a simple case of too much stimulation, you still gotta talk to her… ask her what she likes and doesn’t like, and always listen to her body language and non-verbal feedback.

    Last but not least, you can always take a break from oral and try exploring other things, and come back to it when you’re both more comfortable with the idea.

  • Shay

    Oh Julien, it always makes me smile when GUYS give advice about oral on women. Not that you guys don’t know what you’re doing, just that you’ve never received oral on your vagina and you’re basing your advice on what you think has worked for your partner(s) in the past.

    But yes, as I’ve said millions of times, communication is SO SO important in relationships. :)

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