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Reader Question – Pressure for Penetration

I write now to you in a somewhat desperate situation in need of your guidance. I have a gf and we have recently talked of getting “more serious” in our relationship. While it is something I want, I am a bit nervous because I am a virgin and she(while certainly not experienced) is not. Also, even though we have never done anything real serious I did ask her about whether or not she would be interested in any anal play. She said she would like to try anal sex. So my question to you is three-fold: 1. Do you have any advice for a first timer? I know all the basic stuff but im worried about positions/penetration (i.e how hard to you have to push to “penetrate” the vagina) as I don’t want to hurt her. 2. Also, I have read a lot about anal sex (including some fine research on your site) and I know that you need a trusting partner, patience, and lube. But as with the above question, I am unsure as to how much pressure I should exert. Can you help at all? 3. Lastly, I just want you to know that I appreciate all you have done for me in the past as well as the rest of your internet community. Thanks so much!

Firstly, congrats on finding someone with whom you can explore and enjoy the wonder and good-feeling-ness of sex!

Now, I don’t want to embarrass you, but your first question is really cute. Actually, I’m not really sure precisely how many pounds of pressure it takes to penetrate a vagina – I’ve never found a way to measure it myself. But if you are worried, just make sure everything is well lubricated, go slow, and press steadily harder and harder until you are inside; that should do the trick. You’re not going to hurt her by pressing hard, but you might if you go too deep (but let’s not worry too much about that right now).

I’m sure that once you’re in the situation everything will come fairly naturally for you both – try not to over-think things in advance; it sucks to get stressed out just before having sex (especially your first time).

As for anal sex, I am again not sure exactly how much pressure you should exert – but once again, lots of lubrication and take things slow.

In both situations, you might want to let her be on top so that she can control how fast and hard and deep things go. That way you can ease you mind and be relatively sure that she’s not going to be injured.

Have Fun!

P.S. Here are a few other articles that you might find useful:
A little advice for your first time
The anal primer


7 comments to Reader Question – Pressure for Penetration

  • Sheen V

    I’m sure she’ll let him know if there’s too much pressure!

  • Shay


    I was really tempted to make a joke about pressuring a partner for sex, but I thought it might be in poor taste. ^_~

  • Gadfly

    Work the lube. Natural or other. In a little bit… out a little bit in.

    Mean people suck — in the figurative sense only :o)

  • exile

    i acctually have a little tip for out friend.

    the best way to make sure you don’t hurt her on your first vaginal insertion is not to simply push your way in, but rather to pump slowly, push in a little, then pull back out. if you go a half inch at a time it will insure your wang has enough lube to slide in easily and you will know if you’re hurting her or not.

    as for the anal, dude, walk before you run…

  • badinfluencegirl

    watch her face… and if you can’t tell yet the difference between her ‘damn this is fun’ face and her ‘ouch dammit’ face?

    more foreplay is required :)

    also? tell HER what you’re worried about, i’m sure she’ll be happy to help

  • ElegantSuccubus

    “How much force does it take to penetrate a vagina?” The engineer in me simply CANNOT resist responding to this post.. :) First, you will need to obtain a digital force gage that has a “compressive max” mode setting. The procedure will vary depending on your gender…

    SETUP FOR GIRLS: Obtain a dildo with representative girth and rigidity as your partner. Set the gage to “compressive max” mode, place the dildo at the entrance to your vagina, and apply force to the opposite end of the dildo using the force gage.

    SETUP FOR GUYS: Obtain a Fleshlight with a vagina opening design. Set the gage to “compressive max” mode, place your cock at the entrance to the fleshlight insert, and apply force to the opposite end of the fleshlight case using the force gage.

    Once you feel penetration, discontinue applying force, and check the reading. Measurement variation and changes in the amount of lubrication may affect results, so I recommend taking 3 readings and averaging them for improved accuracy. Hope this helps!

  • Shay

    Gad – yeah, mean people do suck!

    exile – haha I though he would most likely figure out those finer details in situ. ^_~

    BIG – actually, with some people it CAN be hard to tell the difference between those two faces, but talking to your partner about your worries is always a good idea. ^_^

    ES – I LOVE IT! Does anyone have a force gage I can borrow?

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