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The Missing Link

~~A good friend of mine has been yearning to say something about mainstream porn for a long time now, but hasn’t been able to find the right forum. So I offered him a spot on The S Spot – seems like as good a place as any to express opinions about porn. Enjoy! ~~

I like porn. I do. I’m not ashamed of it. Being a fan, I think it’s fantastic that porn is slowly entering the mainstream. Not that I want 24 hour access on CBC, but I think it’s good and healthy that sexual material is becoming less and less censored, and that enjoyment of porn is being de-stigmatized.

The best part of porn being de-stigmatized is that it is giving people permission to explore sexuality and to try things that they might never have been willing to try otherwise… and many, one hopes, are discovering that they actually like things like plugs, clamps, bondage, oral, anal, exhibitionism, voyeurism, group, etc, etc, etc… Others are trying them, and taking them off the to-do list forever and that’s OK too. The old Mae West adage I’ll try anything once, twice if I like it, three times to make sure had it exactly right.

So now that porn is mainstream, people are seeing it more and more and what they’re seeing tells them to explore. So far, though, all the experimentation appears to be one-sided. Women are portrayed as more experimental, so women are trying new things and being more adventurous. While the girls are going out of their way to discover themselves, men are just sitting back and watching the show. Another imbalance has been created, whereby women are encouraged to perform for their partners, sometimes with their partners, but never in ways that push their partners’ boundaries. Porn provides only one set of models: men like watching women engage in lesbian sex, so women are portrayed as being curious about lesbian sex; men like fucking ass, so women are portrayed as enjoying anal sex; men like ejaculating on women’s faces, so women are portrayed as passionate about facials. It’s nearly impossible to completely avoid hetero-normative porn, but you have to work to find the porn that would make a second-year male university student say Dude, I don’t think I could ever do that.

The missing link in the mainstream is porn that models men pushing their boundaries. Not just in what they’re willing to ask for, but in what they’re willing to do, or have done to them. What we need now is the mainstreaming of porn that encourages women to ask for their needs to be met – porn that models men enjoying things that lie outside of socially acceptable behaviour: men fucking each other, men begging for a strapon, men exposing themselves to their partners in public, men being spanked, and so on. I hold no illusions about why this porn is not mainstream, but I think the result is everyone gets short-changed: women are not being given permission to have the full range of fantasies, let alone fulfill them, and men, by being permitted to stay in their safety zones, are being denied a world of sexual experiences that they might enjoy.

Men should be quoting Mae West too.

~ Mr. Cellophane

8 comments to The Missing Link

  • Anonymous

    I completely agree with you on the point about men not being able to find porn that takes them out of their safe zones. Since I have found your site I have been very interested in Futa and other cartoons/porn that shows men being put into different situations.

    Also I have been experimenting and have found that prostrate massage as being very enjoyable. It is good for men to try new things that they might not normally do. The worst thing that could happen is that you do not like it. In that case do not do it again.

    Thanks for your insight and thoughts about sex.


  • SJ

    I like that Mae West quote – I maye be a Male West. lol. BTW it’s strange you should pick that pic for this post I’ve tried stuff most guys wouldn’t but being “anally violated” isn’t one of them though I fantasize about it.

  • Gadfly

    I came

    I saw

    I concurred


  • Loving Annie

    Good Monday mornign to you, Shay !

    I like porn when I’m out of control horny. Watching it with a guy can be fun occasionally.

    I would flat out love to see the type of porn you describe as not mainstream.
    Bring it on !

  • Ryann

    I totally agree. great insight.

    it’s one of the reasons I find mainstream porn so boring.

  • Dastranger

    Totally agree with you Shay. One thing that you don’t see often in porn, especially one-on-one variety, is seeing men actively trying to bring their “partner” to orgasm. Sure, they have female ejaculation type of stuff, but I’d like to see a bit more variety than that! In fact, I’d love an entire category devoted to this, but alas it’s rather doubtful this will ever happen.

  • Anonymous

    The missing link in the mainstream is porn that models men pushing their boundaries. Not just in what they’re willing to ask for, but in what they’re willing to do, or have done to them.

    There is a missing link, but it’s based on a societal norm that isn’t limited to porn. In general, North American society gives women a greater freedom to cross gender boundaries than it does men. Put bluntly, for a wide variety of sex-related activities, if a woman does it, she’s sexy, but if a man does it, he’s been emasculated somehow. Or worse, he’s gay.

  • Maikeru

    I find that our society has become increasingly homophobic in regards to what’s safe and what isn’t for males to do and wear. All the extra fabric that women’s clothing is shedding seems to be heading towards certain cuts of men’s clothing. Years ago it was fine to put your arm around your male friend’s shoulder, but now we’re taught that it’s some sort of homosexual innuendo. So porn in which hetero males are experimental is at the fringes (sometime bundled with BDSM play with a dominatrix). Until our society stops being rather homophobic with male relations it will be rather hard to find experimental males in normal porn.

    As for pushing boundaries in hetero porn, I find anal not all that appealing to me. Not the guy receiving anal, but the guy being the penetrator of the girl in the activity. Really it’s something I couldn’t see myself doing with anyone even if they begged it of me. Of course where I get experimental is usually thinking up new “games” for me and my girlfriend to play.

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