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Reader Question – Casual or Not-so-Casual Sex

“Hi Shay,

I’ve been out of action for awhile….a LONG while. Why is this so? Well, for awhile I was glad to have
it, having reached a point in my life where I need make some decisions about where it is going to go, and
such, but recently, I’ve been just too busy to really have a relationship, or even go out on a date with anyone, and I want to change that.

I’ll be honest here. I’ve been out of action long enough to find the idea of going right into a romantic
relationship a bit overwhelming right now, and what I want is a fuck buddy. I’ve had these arrangements at times in the past, but it was a long time ago, and it was always the woman who approached me about it.

So with all of that exposition, here is my question: How should I approach a woman with something like this without looking like a creep. There are a couple of possibilities, but might there be a website catering
to something like this that is reliable and positive and all of that?

A guy with no game”

Hi there!

Thank you so much for writing to me.
It can be pretty tough to get back in the saddle after you’ve been out for a while, so I do understand your concerns. ^_^

Despite the term, hooking up with someone for casual sex can be pretty awkward sometimes.

If you’re just looking for a one night stand, it’s not too hard to head out to a club or bar and hook up with someone who is similarly interested ( just make sure your partner is sober enough to actually consent). But sometimes this can be risky, since you’re taking a stranger home. This method really isn’t always as reliable and safe as a fuck friend can be.

But women (and men) don’t always want to advertise that they are interested in casual sex because they don’t want to come off as slutty or creepy (as you said). But a little joking around with female friends and colleagues might give you a chance to test the waters a little with people who you already know and could help you figure out who might actually be interested.

Websites might be another good idea, because people can be a little more honest about their sexual desires under the cover of anonymity that the Internet provides. BUT you’ll never REALLY know who you are hooking up with until you meet your potential lover in person and you could get yourself into a dangerous situation. Still, it might be worth your while to check out a few of those dating websites like Lavalife and AshleyMadison, etc.

Good luck!

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6 comments to Reader Question – Casual or Not-so-Casual Sex

  • Ashley

    I’ve had a fuck buddy for two years now and I love it!!! No strings, no commitment. We hook up every month or so. It’s just pure sex.

  • Shay

    See! I knew it wasn’t impossible to set oneself up with a fuck budy (I just keep ending up dating mine… tsk)

  • waha`

    I guess one thing is… especially if you are a guy is don’t come off as desperate. Grant it as a guy you want and you know a girl may as well but ‘exuding’ desperation just kills any chance. I guess the other problem too would be trying to be picky. She’s a ‘sex friend’, not your next wife/girlfriend material. Unless she just happens to be the same anyway.

    well, just my view.

  • Debra

    I think the hardest thing for me isn’t finding that casual sex partner, but keeping them in their proper place- not in teh friends catagory, but somewhere else in left field just reserved for relationships of a strictly sexual nature.

    But as Shay said, it gets hard not to end up dating them. For me its when you realize you are actually friends with the person.

    I started a post on this a few days ago actually; the differences between friends with benefits, and fuck buddies. Unfortunately, halfway through my posting I lost my train of thought and opted to sober up instead. I did post it though.

  • SmexyMe

    hey shay,
    i have trouble to find a ”sex buddy” (dont blame me that my english sux)i cant even find a girlfriend atm and maybe u could help me or give me some tips.

  • Maikeru

    A friend of mine worked out in my case as we both had mutual respect for each other (as well as having similar ideals, so there were no misunderstandings) and had a good relationship as friends. It’s good if your friend happens to not be easily offended by most things.

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