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Hi, I'm Shay.

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Asking for an Open Relationship

I am young only 18 and in a commited relationship. Recently I have found e few other guys that I desperately want to have sex with. My boyfriend is really closed minded about multiple partners. What would be a good strategy to get him to allow me to have only sex with other men. I would think it would be hot if I knew he was sleeping with other girls.
Please help, I really want him to see it my way.

Having an open relationship is not something that everyone is emotionally equipped to do (even with guys, despite their reputation).  It takes a certain kind of person to comfortably switch back and forth between having sex with a special friend and making love with their partner.  Even the people that I know who are in poly or open relationships have had to struggle a lot with their own feelings as well as the feelings of their partner(s).

I’m not surprised that your boyfriend isn’t interested in having other men sleep with his girlfriend; like many people he probably worries that you might fall in love with one of these other guys or prefer them to him in bed.  Your boyfriend may also be worrying already that you aren’t satisfied with him and that’s why you want to have sex with other men – this is something you will need to reassure him about.

If you really are interested in sleeping with multiple partners, you may have to form some sort of agreement with your boyfriend; perhaps you could suggest trying a threesome.

If, in the end, you can’t make a deal that works for both of you, try being single for a while – at least until you find a partner with your similar interest in open relationships.

Good luck!20090908043323

Perhaps some of my readers who have successfully navigated this tricky “hey hunny let’s stay together but have sex with other people too” territory could offer some more insight. ^_^


Comment from Pillow Talker
Time September 8, 2009 at 12:50 am

My boyfriend and I did that for awhile. I couldn’t cope. It wasn’t supposed to be very long, but before I knew it, a year had passed. I ended a sexual relationship with my “other” to remain with my boyfriend, but when I brought my concerns up to His “other”, she confessed they had feelings for each other. Crushed, I was.

Beware. That is all I have to say. If you and your significant other have strong enough emotions for each other, it can survive, but if not…you are better off either not trying or going single for awhile.

Comment from Sheppardde
Time September 8, 2009 at 10:07 am

Even strong emotional bonds aren’t enough sometimes though, like Shay said– Some people just can’t handle that sort of thing. I know that I personally couldn’t, I mean the thought of the girl I love being with another man would horrify me, and to be honest I’d feel a little disgusted at the thought. I think it takes a very independent person to handle that sort of thing, and for the most part people just can’t.
If you find someone who is confident in their ability to handle an open relationship then I wish you luck, they’re not exactly an easy sea to navigate.

Comment from nate
Time September 8, 2009 at 12:18 pm

Sounds like she no longer wants to be in a committed relationship anymore. at 18 years old that’s not a big deal. Break up, have fun and move on. If its really meant to be they’ll end up together again down the road.

Comment from Bob
Time September 8, 2009 at 1:53 pm

Yeah, just break up with the guy. It’s better at that age. Open relationships are hard to maintain even when you’re considerably older and more experience. Why subject yourself to the mental torture. Just break up with the guy and enjoy being 18 for awhile.

Comment from Sem
Time September 8, 2009 at 11:11 pm

I’ll echo Nate and Bob. Eighteen year’s old is awfully young to have a committed relationship. They’ll be plenty of time for that later in life… after she figures out what she wants in a partner.

Comment from Chris
Time September 8, 2009 at 11:15 pm

I would look at this another way. Rather than considering whether the boyfriend is emotionally prepared for an open relationship, I think the real question is whether the writer is emotionally (or otherwise) prepared for a relationship at all. Many (most?)18 year olds aren’t. Her wandering eye may just be her subconscious telling her not to commit. I hope she’ll consider her boyfriend’s feelings as she sorts through all this. It sounds as if he’s more emotionally invested than she is.

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