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Dating Friends and Friends of Friends

I have a relationship question for you.
Ok, I have my best friend Julie*, and her ex boyfriend’s name is Troy. Troy is my best friend, and my recent ex-boyfriend John’s, best friend. My problem is I’m really attracted to Troy, so Troy and I were talking about casually dating. Which sounds fine because its fun to hang out, but I feel like I’m betraying Julie and John if Troy and I are together, even just going to the movies, I mean I’m just nervous about kissing him! I want to date Troy, but I feel guilty and I’m afraid Julie and John will find out; and John and I are just starting to talk to each other again, I really don’t want to ruin my chances of being friends with John. Is it bad to just cuddle with Troy? What should I do? I feel like I’ll loose two of my closest friends, but then there is always the fact that they couldn’t find out…except I’m afraid that I’ll feel so guilty I’ll blurt it out to Julie.

Since Julie is such a good friend of yours, I think it would be nice for you to ask her if it’s alright with her for you to get involved with Troy. Obviously you’re only asking to be polite (and so that she hears about it from you first), since it’s not up to her who you’re allowed to fall in love with – but it’s still a considerate thing to do for your friend and it will probably put your mind/guilt at ease. Besides, if might be good to know how she feels about you dating him, and maybe she’ll even have some useful advice.

As for John, ex boyfriends aren’t allowed to decide when and who their exes get involved with. If Troy is John’s best friend though, it would be kind for him to talk to John about him getting involved with you; like I suggested you talk to Julie.

Some people have a really hard time finding people that they can connect with romantically, so I don’t think you should waste this opportunity because you’re worried about your friends; if they are true friends they will get over it, even if they do have a problem with it at first.

I hope that helps!20090810044615

*names have been changed


Comment from Julien
Time August 11, 2009 at 3:08 am

I wholeheartedly agree with Shay, but if you’re feeling guilty about things you may also want to let Troy know, otherwise he may be confused about your reluctance and get mixed signals. And I don’t know if you’re anything like me, but I’ve stopped thinking of it as ‘just cuddle’… just cuddle never stays just cuddle for very long.

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