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Hi, I'm Shay.

Welcome to The S Spot!

This is a positive space where I talk about sex/sexuality, publish my toy reviews/guides, and post some pretty sexy images and videos. ^_^

I also answer reader questions - so feel free to send me a message and ask me anything. (Check my archives to see what other people have asked too, maybe someone had the same problem you did!)

I've been writing for a while, so go ahead and explore my site - I'm sure you'll find what you're looking for, and if not, let me know!

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[It is understood that all subjects in CBW photos must be of at least 18 years of age and photos are submitted with consent. The S Spot is not responsible for the irresponsibility of others.

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For the Record Porn Does NOT = Reality

I really like you’re blog and I’m a frequent reader.  Well, to the point, I’m a virgin but I don’t want to be with a woman and finish before she has had her share of the fun. When masturbating, it seems that I last less then anything I’ve seen on the net, compared to them I think I preform poorly. I’ve read a bit about the subject of premature ejaculation, and the writers usually propose a series of exercises, I’ve tried them (no too systematically) but I don’t see them working. I want to last longer during sex, not to have to stop in the middle, witch is what I think you train for with an exercise like that.  I know that foreplay is on my side here, but there’s always a limit and I also think that to have good “control” is a handy thing. No real question, just looking for your general advise

Here is my answer to your sort-of question: STOP STRESSING!

Firstly, having sex isn’t quite like masturbating, you’re in a different mood/mode where it really is more about self gratification than when you have sex (I hope).  So It can be very difficult to try to build up any endurance on your own or even to gauge how you’ll preform when you actually do have sex.  You have no idea how your body may actually react the first time you do have sex, you may last 1 minute, you may last an hour.  PLUS, your first few time may not be representative how how long you’ll normally last once you start having sex more often.

Secondly, porn performance is a really bad goal to aim for.  Professional porn actors are freaks unusual: they can and do have sex for much longer than normal people usually do/want to, partly because they aren’t really always trying to get off, they are just working.  Porn actors are hired specifically because they can last so long.

You also can never be sure what is real and what is movie magic. Sometimes the guy isn’t even fully hard for the first half of the film.  Sometimes he blew his load early and they edited it out and took a ten minute break on set until he recovered - but to you it looks like he did last the whole however many hours. Never trust what you see in a porn as any representation of reality.

Thirdly, you never know how long is long enough, it will really depend on your partner.  What’s the point of agonizing over trying to last 45 mins in bed, when all your partner wants is 15mins?  Besides, if you do happen to fall short, you have two options: you can either try to stay hard and keep going, or you can take a break (and switch to oral or manual) until you’re ready to go again.

So, in conclusion I will go back to my original point: stop stressing!  Just live your life, enjoy wanking to your porn, and cross the sex bridge when the right time comes.  ^_~


Comment from Futanarikko
Time December 24, 2008 at 2:14 am

That’s the Shay I like it, aha aha.

(Am I the only idiot remembering this song, LOL)

It’s something in the way you write the articles, they are pretty positive most of the time, without feeling like a fake or forced way to confront sexuality matters.


Go, Shay Go!

Comment from Julien
Time December 24, 2008 at 3:01 am

Take Shay’s advice and just don’t worry about it! Orgasm may be the way you end sex, but it’s so little of the actual act… there’s foreplay, kissing, teasing, and a whole bag of fun to be had beforehand. Even if you don’t last very long your first time - you probably won’t, but then again she (or he?) probably won’t either - take your time and enjoy the other stuff, and you will definitely walk away with a memorable experience. And always remember - if you’re having fun, chances are your partner’s going to have fun too.

Comment from soup
Time December 25, 2008 at 2:03 am

“What’s the point of agonizing over trying to last 45 mins in bed, when all your partner wants is 15mins?”

What if you can’t reach two?

Comment from Shay
Time December 25, 2008 at 3:33 am

Futan - haha thanks ^_^

Julien - right!

soup - uh… see the sentence that follows the one you quoted for your answer.

Comment from Maikeru
Time January 15, 2009 at 8:49 pm

On the topic of girls not necessarily enjoying marathon sex.

My first girlfriend was able to orgasm after 20 minutes of foreplay and 15 minutes of some straightforwards missionary—she was unusually sensitive—but could go on forever having multiple orgasms (well at least until she became too sensitive and even a gentle breeze made her shudder). She didn’t mind marathon sex, but sometimes we had to work with what time we had around each other and thus sometimes had to finish in as little as 40 minutes.

A girl that I know currently likes sex and likes it a lot. She would genuinely like to have sex for longer than she normally does, but she gets sore after about 50 minutes of penetrative sex. Even good lube only extends this to around an hour and a half at best.

So not every girl will want to have marathon sex and not every girl can have marathon sex. I don’t expect to be able to drive my car up a draw-bridge and have it land perfectly without any suspension damage, so I don’t expect myself to perform like the guys in porn. Porn is to real sex as action movies are to real world physics.

Comment from Beth
Time January 16, 2009 at 2:13 am

Oh man, Maikeru sometimes your gf only lasted 40 mins! That totally sucks for sex to have to be so short! (Sarcasm doesn’t transfer well over the internet)
Seriously though, you don’t have to go on and on trying to impress Shay with your stories - she’s not talking about girls who think 40 mins is too short (despite being “unusually sensitive”), she means girls like ME who can cum in 5 mins or less and are totally satisfied with a guy who only lasts 10 or so mins.

Comment from Maikeru
Time January 22, 2009 at 3:57 am

Well I’d say you’re proof of the wide variety of variance. If that’s 5 minutes or less with a bit of foreplay prior, then that would be akin to my first girlfriend.

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