“Hello I’m a long time fan first time writing to you, anyway my problem is this I’ve been with my girl for four years, we both lost our virginity to each other. I have been trying to spice things up by suggesting using toys like Bullets, vibrators. Every time I hint on wanting to use one she says no. Is there anyway I can convince her to start using toys in bed.“
You can’t force anyone to try something that they aren’t interested in – but there’s no harm in presenting a situation where playing with toys would be convenient. This way your partner would have the opportunity to try out something new (or not, depending on how they feel) without putting in too much effort themselves.
But first, you have to think about how you’re presenting this idea to her.
If you are suggesting to her that you’d like to try using toys because you’re bored in bed, that might hurt her feelings. She might not be bored; she might be enjoying herself plenty and you suggesting bringing toys into the bedroom might be making her feel inadequate or threatened.
If you want to try experimenting with toys because you think she will like it and because you think it will be fun for both of you – say this to her.
I don’t see any harm in surprising her with a little buzzy device (but it should be something small and un-intimidating like THIS or THIS or THIS) – HOWEVER, there should be no pressure for her to try it out. Have it there as an option, but don’t try to cajole her. The little vibe is there just for fun; if she’d like to see what it’s like while you two are fooling around then that’s great, if she’s not into it this time, that’s okay too.
My bet is that she’ll be curious and want to give it a try at some point, but like I said at the top – you can’t force it.
i agree with shay just bring something small into the bedroom and let her decide if she wants to try it out or not. most likely her curiousity will get the best of her and she’ll want to ;)
personally, i don’t see the big deal with using toys in the bedroom. it’s just something to add to play-time imo. but with guys, a lot of the time, it makes them think they’re not pleasing their partner, because of that male ego so i commend you on wanting to do this for your girl. with girls, idk why they’d say no to the suggestion.
Well we don’t know what kind of toy he was suggesting: it could have been a little vibe; or it could have been a big dildo that he wanted to watch her use, but she’s shy; or it could have been an anal toy and she’s not comfortable with that.