“Dear Shay, I love your blog, and I really like the fact that you always offer non-intimidating and very sensible advice. I’ve finally plucked up the courage to ask you a question, which I hope no one else has asked so far.
I’m the sort of girl who tends to get nervous/anxious when I’m in bed with someone, and as a result, I’m usually quite dry. Most guys notice, of course, and usually use their fingers to try and get me going, which just doesn’t work for me, so I get even more nervous – it’s a vicious cycle, really.
I’ve thought about using lube (inspired by your review of the O’My Blueberry Cheesecake lube!), but I can’t think of a way to introduce it without making the boy worried that he’s not doing enough to turn me on, or that I’m not attracted to him. Is there a subtle way of doing it?
Also, I read somewhere that putting a few drops of lube inside a condom can make a lot of difference – in a very good way – for guys, but I was wondering whether that might increase the chances of the condom slipping off?“
I don’t think you should worry too much about suggesting lube in the bedroom – a lot of guys won’t think twice about it, PLUS once they realize how nice it feels using lube (even when you are secreting enough juices for sex), they shouldn’t mind one bit.
If you do pick up a delicious smelling lube, you could bring it up by saying something like “oh, let’s try using this – it smells great!”
Introduce the lube as something fun to try – not something you feel like you HAVE to add to the play.
One thing I like to do is just squirt a few drops onto his penis before we start having sex, to make sure that it’s well lubricated. It’s subtle, it’s sexy, and since you’re touching his penis, he likely won’t mind. *
Another thing you could try is incorporating the lube into the foreplay – put some on your hands before you touch his penis, that way you can lube it up in advance, and ask him to try putting some on his hands before he touches your vagina.
Also, yes a couple drops of extra lube on the inside of the condom is supposed to be fun for guys too (especially if it’s a tingly kind), but no it shouldn’t make the condom slide off more easily (unless you’re really drowning him in lube! haha). The condom should fit pretty snugly to begin with, so a few drops of lube shouldn’t affect how well it stays on too much.
I hope this helps! Being dry makes sex a whole lot less fun, and so does being nervous about it. Try to take things really slow if you can: watch some porn together, spend some time fooling around with clothes on, etc – to give your body the best possible chance to prepare itself (i.e. by getting wet) for sex.
[* It's not that men are stupid, it's just that they DO enjoy having their penis touched ^_~]
** Welcome to The S Spot’s Month-Long Celebration of Vaginae, Pussies, Cunts, Honey Pots, (etc)!!
All through the month of Feb we will be featuring answers to questions about vags, CBWs featuring cunts, and who knows what else!
So send in your questions, ideas, and PICS and you may see them up on the site this month!