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A Couple of Anal Questions

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These are from two different readers and months apart, but they kinda seemed like they went together. Both women enjoy anal play, and yet each has a problem with it…

I like anal sex. I even orgasm from it. My problem, and the reason it doesn’t happen very often, is that well, I will generally have some sort of loose bowel movement during. Which is really gross. Is there anything I can do to prevent this? Or is it just something that comes from repeated attempts. I think I’ve only had anal once or twice when this hasn’t been an issue.

That’s the sort of thing I hear can happen sometimes with anal. I know that some people like to go to the bathroom and use an enema before attempting anal sex for this reason – just to clear things out before they get started. You could try doing that and see if it helps. :)

20090922040613The next question is a long one.  She did everything right, but still ended up having some difficulties when it came down to the actual sex part:

My boyfriend and I have been sexually active for about a month now and we’re really enjoying it! He’s quite experienced, and even though I was a virgin when we got together, I am quite knowledgable (thanks to sites like yours!) about sex and sexual health. So as a pair we’re very clued-in, safe and we take good care of one another.
We’re quite adventurous too, and I feel completely safe and at-ease with him. So when he started suggesting anal play, although I had reservations, I was up for giving it a go.
Anyway, play commenced and it turns out I really enjoy it. We started with just talking about it – phone sex etc, then he started using just one finger during cunnilingus…and we agreed to build it slowly.
On a couple of occassions when we were having sex, he’d use two fingers and it felt so good I didn’t even notice it was two, not one. I thought that boded well – I gathered that enjoying two fingers indicated to me that I would probably enjoy anal sex.
Well, after quite some time, my boyfriend and I finally gave anal sex a go.
It didn’t work out…
We did everything by the book. Slow, gentle, relaxation techniques…LOADS (I mean…loads) of lube…but it still hurt a lot (a lot!) I tried to bear with it and give myself a few moments to adjust, and he managed to ease himself in a little…but I had to ask him to stop. He was fine about it and he simply changed his condom and continued how we had been…but I was kind of disappointed.
I have a pretty good pain threshold and can take reasonable amounts of pain…so I know its not just me not liking the feeling – it did actually hurt. I even had spots of blood afterwards (I was fine by the next morning so nothing to worry about.)
Despite all this…I really want to give it another try! (points for enthusiasm, anyone?) But I don’t want to make myself (or him) uncomfortable or disappointed.
I just wondered if you had any more tips for me? Or whether you might be able to explain why it was so uncomfortable for me? Are some backdoors just tighter than others – just like vaginas? Is he too big? Can a girl just be designed in a way that anal doesn’t work? I was on all-fours, would another position be better? Was I just not relaxed? (I was a little nervous)
He said ‘its okay – not everyone likes it, but at least you tried it’…which I think means he won’t ask again, so I want to get a little more clued-up, then suggest another try.

I’d appreciate ANY advice or tips, Shay.

Have you tried anal again yet? Hopefully, if you have again, by now you’re starting to find it more comfortable. Sometimes all it takes is more practice, really. One thing I would suggest is changing the position; being on all fours with him behind you changes the angles inside your body and shortens your canals. I would suggest you try being on top.  Being on top also puts you in control, so that you’ll know that you can go as slow or as fast as you want and can stop any time. I’m sure you trust your boyfriend to listen to you, but there’s something mentally different when you know you’re in control of something that can make you feel vulnerable like this.

Good luck! ^_^

7 comments to A Couple of Anal Questions

  • n

    i would recommend spooning in the beginning. I felt as if that allowed me to have enough control but allowed me to relax more than being on top. plus, it gives you a feeling of being very intimate and close to your partner. they can kiss the back of your neck, nibble on your ear and such delights. also, i found that playing with my own ass in the shower before, or in general, helped me become accustomed to the awesomeness of the ass play! ;)

    good luck and don’t give up! (but it should never hurt)

  • DucatiGuy

    Blood spots and discomfort which soon passes are almost certainly haemorrhoids. Nobody talks about them but they’re pretty common.

    A chilled steel plug is one great treatment but maybe others can suggest a suitable cream?

  • Snoopy Bross

    I also would recommend you to check out a nice butt plug and play with it a while to get used to anal fun. Don’t bother too much. You’re on a good way to tons of fun! Good luck :-)

  • NDO

    Also be sure you are not clinching your sphincter! It can tighten up naturally when you feel the pressure, and the idea of it being a penis instead of the known quantity of a finger or two is probably increasing that tension. Try pushing (like you’re trying to take a poop) while he is pressuring the sphincter. Do it with a finger first, since you know this works. Just practice the push that way, then attempt it with a penis. As long as you are clean in there, there will be no expulsions of anything, and his penis should slide right in.

  • Awesome, thanks for these extra tidbits of advice readers. ^_^

  • Anon

    I know this sounds wrong & counter-intuitive, but sometimes it really helps if you try to push (from inside) while he’s pushing into you.


  • tisha

    i had tried anal many times and i was just unable to do it. then i went to get treatment for hemorrhoids and the dr told me that i have muscle spasms in the sphincter, so it was nearly impossible for him to do much because i am so tight. i told him i should put that in a personal ad cuz it had to create interest. but he didn’t think it was funny.

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