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There is No Censoring the Shay!

Last semester I covered a Sex Toy “workshop” for the paper that I was writing for – it was really more of a Tupperware party (with sex toys instead of containers) run by a company that shall not be named here. Since it was put on by the campus Womyn’s Centre, I wrote a polite little review of the event (see! I can be ridiculously nice). I intended to present how I really felt about the event in my column that week, but was edited by my editor.

The following is what I really wanted to say:

I’m a skeptical person. I’d just like to lay that out for you right now, I’m skeptical and I know it. I’m especially skeptical when someone is trying to sell me something. As you read [above], I recently covered a sex toy workshop led by a sales rep from X company. I’m not saying that it wasn’t a fun time and I’m not saying that it wasn’t a great idea from the Womyn’s Center – it was a fun idea for sexual awareness and fundraising.

And it’s not like the sale’s rep could have known that her audience wasn’t completely made up of naïve university students; but, as a rep for a company that touts itself as a provider of sex education for women since 1980, she needs to get her facts straight before she allows the infection of bad sex information to spread any further.

I like to think of this column as a bit of an inoculation.

Firstly, Anal Sex: you may have read my article on anal sex at the beginning of this semester, but in case you don’t remember it very well, here is a refresher:

Anal penetration is tricky. You have to be careful when engaging in anal play (esp when it’s new to you), because it’s very easy to hurt yourself. In fact, if it hurts, you need to STOP, because you are doing something wrong.

So, when someone suggests that women (or men) should use a numbing gel on their anus to ease anal sex, some of us have trouble restraining ourselves from jumping up in the middle of the room and shouting “Gah! No!

The wall of the anus has a different bend than the vagina and just isn’t as durable. If you press too hard in the wrong direction you risk tearing the wall of the anus. And if your anus wall has been numbed too much, how are you going to know that there is a problem?

Sometimes anal sex can hurt because you aren’t relaxed enough. As Paul Joannides mentions in his book, The Guide to Getting it On, your bum has two sets of sphincter muscles that relax and tighten, depending on whether you are trying to go to the bathroom or hold it in. One set of these muscles you can control and the other you can’t. So, to enjoy comfortable anal penetration, you first need to train these muscles to relax when you want to insert something. This involves a lot of trust, relaxation, practice, and lube – trying to numb the area might do something to help relax you, since you won’t be so scared, but it won’t force the muscles to relax. You could end hurting these muscles if you catch them by surprise or try to rush things – just because you can’t feel them clenching, doesn’t mean that they aren’t still there.

Another reason why anal sex might be painful is because you aren’t using enough lube. I don’t want to sound too Sue Johnanson here by shouting “MORE LUBE” at the top of my lungs, but seriously folks, you can’t have anal sex without lube – if it hurts, most likely it’s because you aren’t using enough. Although the numbing gel will technically help lubricate your anus, you’re better off grabbing a nice big bottle of KY [or Emerita or a nice silicone lube]. You should stop and figure out why anal penetration is hurting you before you continue; not just numb everything with whatever gel someone is trying to sell you. Remember: Stop, Think, then Go.

[Numbing gel is put to MUCH better use as a lube for handjobs/jerking off.]

I also want to mention how irresponsible I feel it is for companies to promise orgasms to every woman, so long as they buy the particular product, or combination of products that the company is offering. For example, their g-spot kit, which includes a finger mounted stimulator and some magical g-spot lotion that is “guaranteed” to give you not only a g-spot orgasm but, according to this sale rep, will make you ejaculate.

Remember when I said I was a skeptical person?

This is quite a hefty claim, considering that not every woman can ejaculate, not every woman enjoys g-spot stimulation, and that there is mounting evidence suggesting that not every woman has a g-spot!

The end – thanks for letting me get that off my chest. ^_~

6 comments to There is No Censoring the Shay!

  • RF-Des

    What was the changed about the article? I had the pleasure to be dating my editor during my time on a newspaper, but I’ve been censored before by an advirsor before so I’m just curious on how much was changed from your original to what was published.

  • Pillarmerech

    Suprisingly enough, I too was curious, probably forthe same reason a RFdes. I suppose we have a real grudge against censoring in writing. (Btw…I wont say The Girlfriend anymore..)

  • Hardin

    What in the fuck was that? You know, if you want to write a comment that size, it’s common courtesy to get your own blog and put it there rather than hijack someone else’s.

    Shay, my dear, you are absolutely right about this. A pussy is made to be fucked. An asshole is not. That’s what makes anal sex such an intimate sexual act. You must treat the anus with sensitivity, or it will be injured. Use lots of lube. Be patient and gentle until the recipient is begging to be fucked harder. Even then, take care not to hurt him or her.

  • Shay

    Hardin – I know! I don’t know what was up with that, but I got rid of it. Also, you’re exactly right about anal – having to be careful totally can make it even more intimate an act.

  • Shay

    rf & pillar – It would be too time consuming to list every single change – rest assured that it was enough for anyone to be frustrated with.

  • Anonymous

    The Sex Is Fun podcast covered almost exactly the same topic a while back by who I suspect are exactly the same organisation. And their comments on them were almost exactly the same as yours – in particular the numbing gel and why it’s a bad idea. It may have been Episode 10 or shortly thereafter, but I’m not entirely sure.

    I have no affiliation, etc – just a fan of the show.

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