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Reader Question – Taken over by a Daydream

I have some pretty odd fantasies that I’d like your input on.

I frequent a website that features stories of mind control of all sorts. The types i find absolutely irresistible are the stories where the woman controls a man not though hypnosis, but though sheer power, when i think of this i imagine myself as her victim. I imagine her looking into my mind, making me do things that embarrass me, then she sexually violates me, raping me. I even imagine scenario’s where she eventually decides that I’m useless to her or that i have not met her standards and she kills me. By turning my mind into mush with her power, or i remain cursed with an erection that only she can cure, and no matter how many women i sleep with, they can never make me orgasm. Which is know is a little extreme for some, but these fantasies dominate my mind.

I often daydream about this type of scenario. Sometimes at work, sometimes when I’m sitting here on the computer or while doing daily chores. I can never really experience this fantasy cause it’s not really possible, I have plenty of interaction with females in my line of work (I’m a bouncer at a gentleman’s club) yet i find none of these females attractive or enticing. Only this one phantom image of this cruel sexy enchantress, seducing me with her power then throwing me away like i was nothing to her. just an object to be used.

I have a wife and children – my sex life with my wife is nearly dead cause she really can never ever become this type of woman i have in my head. this goddess of sorts that can control my every thought and action. I usually search the net for art pictures that resemble the image i have in my mind of this woman. and i look upon them and let my fantasies run rampant.

I guess what i really wanna know is am i beyond coming back into what is considered ‘normal’ by society. Everything about women seems dull to me save for this one image i have in my mind of this supreme fantasy. Any input you could give me would be appreciated.

I am assuming by “normal”, you mean being interested in having sex with a real person rather than being obsessed with a fantasy woman.

Because of the nature of your fantasy (the impossibility of it) I think that there are definitely some aspects that you are going to have to let go of if you want to have a healthy sexual relationship with a real woman – aspects like wanting/needing a partner who has the ability to covertly control your mind, turn it to mush, etc.

BUT that doesn’t mean that you have to let go of the more general theme of your fantasy – that is, female dominance.

I think you might really be able to get into the sub-dom scene (you might even be able to bring your wife into it, if you’re interested) where you could have a dominating mistress who would boss you around and generally play at overtly controlling you and your thoughts – that is, by telling you what to think, do, etc.

This would sort of be a way of bringing your fantasy back into the realm of plausibility and hopefully help you to feel more fulfilled in your sex life.

Try checking out craigslist or your local fetish shops for listings of sub-dom groups in your area or even to track down a dominatrix.

6 comments to Reader Question – Taken over by a Daydream

  • Gadfly


    A harmless fetish becomes an emotional problem when it enters and adversely affects your everyday life.

    I agree that, if he can, using the femdom/male submissive scene to scratch his itch — go for it.

    Otherwise, counseling.

  • Eve in Chains

    Or both. Counseling and trying D/s. I would think in this instance, even if he feels he’s not attracted to a Domme, he should act on it anyway.

    Sometimes our fantasies are actually more than we can handle, whether we know it or not. Maybe working with a Domme in real life would allow him to realize that his need to be dominated can actually be met. I say “working” with because I’m thinking a good pro-Domme could help here.


  • exile

    i say that your wife is your partner, tell her what your fantasy is. she might just be able to play the role you’re looking for, sometimes people will surprise you.

    you might even want to start looking into taking couples domination classes, or even going to domination clubs. (pay the dominatrix to instruct your wife)

  • Loving Annie

    Shay said it very well.

  • Darkstarr

    “am i beyond coming back into what is considered ‘normal’ by society?”
    Hmm… define “normal”. One thing guys in this position could try is to get their SO’s a copy of a good how-to book –the idea being to show her that (a) such fantasies are actually more common than one might think, (b) guys who are into being submissive aren’t any less “manly” than those who aren’t into it, and (c) that there’s nothing to be afraid of in “consensual power exchange” (i.e. D&S, whether as a way to spice up a relationship or as a “24-7″ lifestyle). In fact, if the topic is approached right, she might enjoy being the one who “wears the pants” in the relationship–not to mention that there’s something really sexy about a strong, confident women (just ask all the guys who want to marry Xena: Warrior Princess!).

  • Shay

    Darkstarr – assuming she WANTS to try being dominant, not everyone has to personality or desire for it. Assuming he even WANTS HER to be his dominatrix, his issues with his wife may be deeper than any of us realize.

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