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Reader Question – Advice for the First Time

Hi Shay, My girlfriend and I are ready to have sex, since it is her first time and mine i was wondering. what positions would you recommend and any advice on how to make it enjoyable as a first time. I’ve heard it can be painful for girls the first time they have sex, do you have any advice on how to lessen the pain or stop it ? Is there anything we should do beforehand? Please can you help if you can.

Congrats on being ready to take this big step in your relationship!

Firstly, many people believe that the reason sex can be painful for some young women the first time is because their partner is breaking their hymen – “popping their cherry” if you will.

But I don’t buy into that, as I’ve discussed here, hymens don’t usually live up to their hype. I think it is much more likely that the reason why sex can be painful the first (few) times is a combination of factors: you’re nervous, you might be rushing it, and neither of you really knows what you’re doing.

For vaginal sex to be it’s funnest, the vagina needs to be excited – wet and elastic – the more turned on a female partner is, the less pain and the more fun she’ll experience.

So, to answer your question, yes, there are a few things you should be doing beforehand; you should be doing your “usual” fooling around. You know how before you get to have sex the first time with a partner you do everything but sex: making out, petting, rubbing, licking, etc? Well, do all that until it flows gradually into sex (this is what we call “foreplay”).
That way you can ensure that both of you are physically ready, willing, and excited.

As for positions, do whatever comes naturally for you. It could be her on top, where she can control how fast and deep things go, it could be you kneeling on the floor and her on the edge of the couch on her back, or it could even be missionary. The position is less important than comfort – you don’t want to be trying any tricky positions the first time because tension and nervousness are enemies of happy vaginas being ready for sex. Besides, sex doesn’t have to be a big production number.

Good luck and I hope that helped!

P.S Don’t forget to use a condom!

12 comments to Reader Question – Advice for the First Time

  • Dirty Filthy Princess

    I very much agree that a big part of why it hurts the first time is because of rushing. Husband wanted to bring me to orgasm before we went to intercourse our first time but I insisted we move ahead. I wasn’t wet enough or relaxed enough and it hurt.

    On the other hand, breaking my hymn was part of the pain. It did tear and there was a small amount of blood. If husband had relaxed me and made me cum first, as he wanted too, I really think it would have been much, much less of a thing.

    Once again, great answer!!!

  • Sabine

    yes, agreed,

    I actually think that for the first time it is not the position that matters so much- but the pleasure, trust and lubrication. Foreplay!!!!

    A sweet question. I wish my first experience had had some forethought!

  • Frando

    well that’s timely! lol!

    isn’t that right, bunny!

    much needed

    Bunny: Indeed!

    Both: Fanks!

  • Anonymous

    well thats a nice thing to ask about at least you can tell hes thinking of her not just himself lucky girl

  • Loving Annie

    Good Tuesday afternoon Shay,

    I e-mailed you this weekend. Did you get it ?

    Loving Annie

  • Anonymous

    okay ill pass it along to her thanks

  • Sem

    But I like big production numbers…

  • exile

    four little words…

    Bring A Shoe Horn

  • Shay

    DFP – Aww you poor dear! I think it’s adorable that you were the one rushing things ^_~

    Sabine – exactly! haha

    Frando – great!

    Anon – haha yup, there are some sweet guys out there

    Annie – yes I got your e-mail, comments and e-mails all go to the same box so you don’t really hurry anything up by leaving a comment about an e-mail. ^_~

    Sem – okay

    exile – so that you can put your shoes on quickly afterwards? you think about the weirdest things!

  • exile

    *takes a bow*

    would you expect any less?

  • Anonymous

    There always lube if you’re worried about lube, lol.

  • Kevin

    This is kinda serious, but funny as hell. I want to get that posted on the main site for that anal sex guide I found over at

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