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Reader Question – Sex, Drugs, and Pumps

“Dear Shay,
I’m in a long term monogamous relationship, now engaged and need some help. I am deeply and ridiculously in love with my fiance. He’s my definition of sexy and makes my heart skip a beat when I look at him, BUT his sex drive is just as low as can be.
My fiance has a certain level of E.D.. He says he’s supremely attracted to me and I do whatever in my power to get him aroused but he can’t always keep his erection and make love to me. WTF? We used to be able to but at the same time, he is a bit (oxymoron) of a heavy drinker and I wonder if that’s affected him. Either way, do you have any suggestions you could pass on regarding this and if there’s a medication (besides Viagra) that could help us? His libido sucks too.

Gata, I’m so glad you asked! Like I always say, if you never ask, you’ll never know – and often asking is the hardest part.
I’m going to do my best to answer your question, but I want you to know that I am not in a medical profession and I am still at least 2-3 years away from being considered an “official” professional.
However, I do have a lot of ideas and a nice little stockpile of knowledge, so here goes:

You say that your husband is a bit of a drinker. As I mentioned here, alcohol can have an effect on your sexual experience in the short term, but long term use has an even greater effect.

Research from the McKinley Health Centre suggests that prolonged drinking can lead to a decrease in the amount of male hormone (testosterone) active in the body and may lead to erectile dysfunction, though some research suggests that sexual side effects occur in only 1 in 10 men.
A lack of testosterone can lead to a depression of sexual function and libido. So this could account for the drop in his sex drive and his ED symptoms.

There is research that suggests that the sex drive in men (and women) may be boosted with testosterone patches or pills, so you and your fiance could look into trying that. But you would still have to consult a doctor first to get the prescription.

Regardless of the cause of his ED, his ED is likely to have something to do with his lowered sex drive – I mean, who wants to have sex when they are afraid that they won’t be able to perform? From your blog entries tho, it sounds like you are already making an effort to take the pressure for sex off of him, which is very sweet and may help reduce any stress about sex that he may be experiencing (consciously or unconsciously) – though it doesn’t do much for your own sexual frustration.

One of the things you can try to help him “stay in the game” is using some toys. A penis pump can help him get as hard as he’d like to be for you and a slightly constrictive cock ring can help him stay hard. Using these toys might give him back a little more confidence and could possibly help boost his desire for sex.

Those are my ideas for starters. I hope this helps you two ^_^ Just let me know if you need anything else.

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5 comments to Reader Question – Sex, Drugs, and Pumps

  • Aragorn

    Tough one Shay, and great answer. Well on your way to become a pro. As for the question itself, yes, the rings may very well help, as they generally prolongue erections (experience), but, not so sure about the pump though. Hugs – A

  • vatum & vixen

    shay, go to
    It’s a men’s “penis enlargement” site but whats cool is that they have a mens health forum that is excellent. For this one, I’d recommend some L-arginine to help dilate the blood vessels to his penis (a cock is long and hard, a penis is short and rubbery hehe)

    Also, cut out coffee too. Coffee will constrict said blood vessels.

  • Shay

    Aragorn – I was thinking that the pump might help to strengthen the erection before using the rings to keep the blood in. Thanks for your input! ^_^

    V&V – that’s true, caffene is a vaso-constrictor (that’s why it can sometimes make headaches go away). Thanks for the extra input.

    Gata has decided to take her man to the doctor, so I’m certain things will be put right one way or another fairly soon (hopefully).

  • Suave1

    Good suggestions, although I think that the approach to using sex toys for a man can make things worse, or better, when bringing up cock rings and pumps to a man you must be very careful about his ego, and the way you do it.

    I have found that a man’s financial standing has more to do with his sex drive than anything else – not a lot you can often do about that though…

    When your lover can’t get it up, it doesn’t mean he can’t still participate in the bedroom… I’d suggest asking him to massage your breasts while you masturbate – this will usually get him aroused after a while no matter what his financial situation is.

    when bringing sex toys for men into the bedroom I suggest making it fun, and something your friend carol suggested for adding some excitment, not as a cure for a problem.. my 2 cents..

  • Shay

    Thanks suave – that’s exactly what I was thinking too. Bring the toys in AS TOYS not as sexual aids. ^_^

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