the s spot » pregnancy

Condom Breakage

Shay — Tue, 06 Oct 2009 21:18:51 +0000

“I’m e-mailing you because something happened last night that I genuinely need advice about.
Boyfriend and I were having sex yesterday and really enjoying it, but all of a sudden we looked at each other, both thinking ‘Umm…that feels different’.
Anyway we had a look and it turns out the condom had completely split.
He asked me if I wanted to carry on, I did, so he put on another one and carried on.

I’m not on any other method of contraception. So now I’m quite concerned. I’m not in an utter state of panic, because I know that whatever happens, Boyfriend will be supportive and everything, but I’m still a little concerned.

I’m aware that there are big STD risks with condom breakage, but that’s not what I’m concerned about (he’s been tested between partners, and before me).
I’m concerned that there might be a pregnancy risk, and I’m wondering how big that risk is.
I’ve read on Scarleteen that there’s about a 4% risk of pregnancy, as with the withdrawal method…but I guess I kind of wanted advice from a real, alive, responding person. I know that’s a bit weird but yeah…

This has seriously dented my trust in condoms. I was planning to go on the pill anyway as a backup, but until I do, I’m nervous of having intercourse. This sucks because we both love sex together. We’ve used condoms right from the start and never had any problems but…I don’t know I feel anxious. What if that happened again and we didn’t notice?“

I’ve had condoms break too, it really sucks.

There are a few ways that you can assess your actual risk of getting pregnant in a case like this. Had he recently ejaculated? If no, then there’s a decreased risk that there were any live sperm lingering in his plumbing. Where were you in your menstrual cycle? If you’ve got a regular cycle and you either had your period in the last week or two or are about the have your period, there’s a decreased chance that you have a live egg in your system.

You’re probably fine, but to ease your mind, there is a morning after pill that you can get from your doctor (or your pharmacy, depending on where you live); it will cover you for slip-ups like this if you take it within 72 hours of the scare. (Obviously this isn’t really something you should be relying on on a regular basis.)

Not everyone does it, but it is a good idea to try to use multiple forms of birth control at once – the pill is pretty effective, but if you miss a dose or didn’t take it within the correct window of time, you might want to use a condom too, just to be safe. Until you decide if you’re going to use the pill, you can feel more protected using condoms by adding a spermicidal lube or foam, that way if it does split again and sperm do escape, they’ll likely be killed. :)

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This post, Condom Breakage, originally appeared on the s spot on October 6, 2009. If you are viewing it anywhere other than in a feed reader, it was scraped illegally and without my permission. Please email the(dot)s(dot)spot(at)gmail(dot)com and let me know.
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Reader Question – Condoms and Pregnancy and Sperm: Oh My!

Shay — Wed, 17 Jan 2007 01:34:00 +0000

“Ok so I recently had unprotected sex about a half hour or so after I had masturbated in the shower. Before sex I tried to put a spermicidically lubricated condom on, but while taking the time away from getting head to put it on I could not stay erect. Then I went back to getting more head, I tried another condom… same thing. At this point the idea of a condom was then tossed, literally. We had sex for a good 45 minutes or so due to my not being able to produce any cum. I did not cum at any point with her. So my question is: what are the chances there was still semen inside my penis for her to become pregnant. Any insight would be helpful.

Thanks,
‘Open for suggestions’ “

Hi OS,

Unfortunately I wasn’?t quite given enough information to really calculate the exact percentage chance that you had enough semen left in your penis to get your partner pregnant. ^_~ However, I can say that yes, there is a chance that she could get pregnant from what you described.

When your masturbated to orgasm in the shower you would have ejaculated out the majority of your sperm, but not 100% of it, some would still have been caught up in your urethra or further back in your plumbing. Usually this isn’t a big deal as the sperm would have come out eventually on it’s own or would have been re-absorbed into the body over time. BUT, in your case, you ended up having sex pretty soon after.

You probably have noticed that when you get turned on and/or when someone plays with your dick you start pre-cumming. The pre-cum, in this case, will collect the sperm left in your plumbing and carry it out. I’m sure some of the left-over sperm ended up in your partner’s mouth when she was giving you head, but there is still a chance that some made it into her vagina with your pre-cum when you two started having sex.
So it’s a small chance, but still a chance.

One thing you two need to do is have a secondary form of birth control for cases like there when you can’t get a condom on and/or for in case the condom breaks. This would be something like her being on the pill, wearing an IUD, using a diaphragm, or using a female condom. Another back-up you could try is keeping some spermicidal gel or foam to apply liberally if you can’t get a condom to work for you, this is less effective than condoms and can cause irritation, but is more effective than nothing. However, none of these methods, except the female condom, will protect you from STI?s.

Another thing you should work on is getting a condom on. Standard latex condoms are 98% effective at preventing pregnancy and around 70-85% effective at preventing sexually transmitted infections, when used correctly.

But, it’s not uncommon for guys to have trouble maintaining an erection when they try to get a condom on – it just takes practice and/or a little extra effort to get things going right.

Try putting a condom on by yourself; make sure that you’re not having a problem because you’re using the wrong size. Then try using a condom when you’re masturbating – making sure that you leave that half inch reservoir at the tip – jerking off while you wear it will help you get used to wearing a condom and, who knows, maybe you’?ll really like the experience.

Another thing you can try in the heat of the moment with your partner is having her put the condom on you with her mouth, that way you don’t really have to stop the fun to put it on.
^_^

I hope that helps!

Reader Question, pregnancy scare, sperm, safe sex, condom

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This post, Reader Question – Condoms and Pregnancy and Sperm: Oh My!, originally appeared on the s spot on January 17, 2007. If you are viewing it anywhere other than in a feed reader, it was scraped illegally and without my permission. Please email the(dot)s(dot)spot(at)gmail(dot)com and let me know.
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Reader Question – Pregnancy Makes Me Horny!

Shay — Sun, 01 Oct 2006 22:14:00 +0000

Shay,

I’ve been reading your blog for months now and love it. I’ve never commented or written before, but I’m really interested in your take on my “issue.”

I am almost 5 months pregnant. These pregnancy hormones are making me so horny that I basically feel the need to masturbate multiple times in a day. The problem: my husband doesn’t seem to be all that interested in helping out (with sex or masturbation that is).

I’m not sure if its my growing belly, or my own insecurities (he’s been really stressed at work), but I’m needing some reassurance that this pregnancy (it was planned) isn’t going to be the end of our sex life.

Any advice on how a pregnant girl can look as hot as she feels?

THANKS! “

Hi there!

Thanks for writing in, I love hearing from my readers. ^_^

It’s funny how people don’t often talk about how pregnancy hormones can make women really insanely horny – I know it catches a lot of couples off guard.

There could be many reasons behind your recent husband’s disinterest in sex. If you’re just starting to show some preggers belly now, it might be that he’s having trouble realizing that his wife can be a mother and a sexual creature at the same time. A lot of male partners can be confused and intimated by pregnancy because it’s something happening inside YOU and they can’t see the magic going on in there.

It might also be that he’s worried about hurting the baby by having sex with you. Or maybe he’s just stressed by work/life and hasn’t been feeling frisky lately – it happens to all of us from time to time.

I think that the best thing you can do, is to talk to him about your needs and try to get him to talk about why he might not be interested in sex right now.

Incidentally, if it is that he’s worried about hurting the baby by banging you, you can tell him that it should be fine at your stage of pregnancy (see HERE) and you can double check with your obgyn to make sure that it’s okay.

By the way, if you are worried about losing your hotness as your belly grows, you should know that many men find pregnant women incredibly erotic. PLUS these days there are a lot of super cute maternity clothes, so you don’t have to feel like a frump as the baby grows.

I’m sure your husband will come around – but it’s important that you talk to him so that this misunderstanding can get cleared up.

At the very very least, maybe you can at least convince him to get you some fun toys to help you make it through this dry spell. ^_~

Good luck!

sex, masturbation, masturbate,pregnant, pregnancy, sex advice

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This post, Reader Question – Pregnancy Makes Me Horny!, originally appeared on the s spot on October 1, 2006. If you are viewing it anywhere other than in a feed reader, it was scraped illegally and without my permission. Please email the(dot)s(dot)spot(at)gmail(dot)com and let me know.
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Reader Questions Answered

Shay — Sat, 10 Jun 2006 18:32:00 +0000

Have you been longing to view a collection of my answers to reader questions?
Well your wait is finally over!

Here is a catalogue (which will be kept updated) of my posts answering reader questions.
Enjoy! ^_^

Genital Topiary (men)
Ouch Not So Hard!
Using Vibes While Pregnant
Get Hard(er)?
What to do about wanting to Suck Cock
Threesomes and Infidelity
Condom Conversation
Making The Move
“Average” Penis Size?
Porn Addiction
“I Want Her to Want my Cock”
Sex = Teamwork
Going Bare Down There
Cum Stains
Positions in Hentai
Baby Powder for Pussies?
Swinging Etiquette
Sex Toys from Household Items
How to Help Him Cope with Gushing
A Personal Question
Jerking off to Grow?
Baby Making
How Ejaculation Happens
More Ejaculation Questions
Asking for Trimmed Bush
Girls Masturbating
“I want her to cum too!”
UnSticky Lubes
Blow Job Issues
Bedroom Jitters
Finding Casual Sex Partners
Unfaithfulness
Is She Faking?
Do I Need Anal Douches?
Tips for post-sex cleanup
Pubic Hair Expectations?
Pregnant but Horny, What about my husband?
Tips for Solo Bum Play
Fancy Toys in Porn?
Keeping the Home Fires Burning
Introducing New Toys to Your Partner
Condoms and Pregnancy and Sperm – Oh my!
Asking for Oral (as in cunnilingus)
Make our Love-making better
Hymens and Masturbation
Tips for a First Time Trimmer
Latex Allergy and Condoms
Where The S Spot came from
Condom Slip-up
Am I a Panty Sniffing freak? (two answers)
Bringing up Prostate Stimulation
Flowback
Oral Flavour Worries
BB Hentai? Wha?
Rekindling Messy Oral
Masturbation and your Period
TMS
Is Masturbation Sex? (two answers)

NEW:
Sparing his Knees
Dying your Pubes
What are Cock Rings?
Advice for First Timers
Porn for Her
Penis Questions
Female Ejaculation?
Am I a high-sex-drive freak?
In Search of Female Domination
Small when Soft = Problem?
Porn and/or my Relationship?

I’ll also be putting this button in my sidebar, so that you can access this post anytime you’d like to read up on the latest updates. ^_^

Do you have a burning question for the Shay? Feel free to e-mail me: the.s.spot@gmail.com .

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Reader Question – Sperms and Pregnancy

Shay — Sat, 29 Apr 2006 17:31:00 +0000

Shay,

How much seed would I have to store up to make a baby?

Scott

Hi Scott,

[I'm just going to assume that you're not talking about keeping buckets of sperm in a freezer to be thawed later and dumped into a vagina. ]

As they say, it really only takes one brave little sperm to get a woman pregnant (i.e. make a baby), but males squirt out a bunch for a reason. More sperm increases the likelihood that one will make it.

If there was just one little guy swimming on his own trying to reach the egg, he might not make it; there’s all kinds of dangers in a vagina!

He might not make it to the egg if he doesn’t pack a big enough lunch (sperms carry a glucose store) and runs out of steam; he might be eaten by the white blood cells patrolling the vagina; he might take a wrong turn or get stuck – it’s a long way to go (for a sperm) and he’s only going to survive around 72 hours in there plus, the egg will only be active for 24 hours!

It’s called a “miracle” for a reason – on average only 3 out of 288 sessions of unprotected sex will result in conception (but you should still wear a condom EVERY time, you never know when ‘this time’ is going to be of those ‘three times’).

To increase our chances of passing on our genes, we have evolved to send more than one sperm on a quest for the egg. With a big team of sperms they can help each other swim faster, some can “distract” the white blood cells (or block another guys’ sperms), and there’s more of a chance that at least one will be escape the other dangers and be strong enough to make it all that way to a fertile egg in time.

Typically, in a healthy man, there will be enough sperm to (theoretically) get a woman pregnant every time he ejaculates – even if he’s ejaculating regularly every day.

If you are worried about having enough sperm, you could hold off on ejaculating for a few days before you try – but there’s no sense in holding off for too long, because unused sperms will just be re-absorbed into the body after a certain amount of time.

Another helpful tip when you’re trying to get a woman pregnant is to wear looser underwear and avoid hot baths; this will keep your balls cooler and will decrease the likelihood of your sperm being mutated.

If you’re really worried about sperm depletion or are having a lot of trouble getting pregnant, this might be something you want to take up with your doctor.

Good Luck!
Shay
(with a little help from Dr Reuben)

sperm, cum, ejaculating, ejaculate, pregnancy

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This post, Reader Question – Sperms and Pregnancy, originally appeared on the s spot on April 29, 2006. If you are viewing it anywhere other than in a feed reader, it was scraped illegally and without my permission. Please email the(dot)s(dot)spot(at)gmail(dot)com and let me know.
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Reader Question – Pregnany and Vibes

Shay — Sat, 17 Dec 2005 01:16:00 +0000

“Dear Shay,
I am 3 weeks pregnant and curious to know if it would be unsafe to the baby if I used my vibrator. I know sex is not a problem but was wondering if the vibrations would affect the placement of the fetus on the uterine wall. I have read through every baby book but can’t find an answer. Please don’t make me ask my ob-gyn, I’ll never feel comfortable with her again. Oh and I know, I’m a mother now and I should not feel silly but I do so there.”

First of all, thank you for asking. Everyone feels silly asking questions about sex sometimes, but if you don’t ask, you’ll never know!

Next, if you are three weeks pregnant then you don’t need to worry about the vibrator disrupting your fetus’ placement on your uterine wall. ^_^ The fetus implants only 7 days after fertilization. ( Unless you’re measuring with the obstetricians method, counting from your last period – if you are using this method, then your fetus will be implanting this week and you should hold off on using a vibe for at least one more week.)

So far there have not been any studies (that I can find) investigating the possible effect of vibrator use during pregnancy. But experts seem to agree that using a vibrator outside of your vagina is safe during any stage of pregnancy. What experts don’t agree on is how safe it is to use a vibe inside your vagina during pregnancy.

But I suspect that as long as your doctor has given you the okay for sex, it should be safe for you to use your vibe. The vibrations produced by sex toys are generally very mild and shouldn’t have a negative affect on you or your baby. Exercising actually puts more stress on the body than using a vibe and having orgasms.

As for right now, a little dipping is probably fine, but if you are really worried about affecting your fetus, I think you should just use the vibe externally for now and maybe turn it off if/when you want to slide it inside.

I hope that helps.
Edit: I also found a pretty neat pregnancy calendar HERE.

sex toys, sex, pregnant, pregnancy, masturbation, vibrator, vibrators

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This post, Reader Question – Pregnany and Vibes, originally appeared on the s spot on December 17, 2005. If you are viewing it anywhere other than in a feed reader, it was scraped illegally and without my permission. Please email the(dot)s(dot)spot(at)gmail(dot)com and let me know.
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SEX 101

Shay — Mon, 28 Mar 2005 05:04:00 +0000

This one almost didn’t make it into the paper because i forgot to warn my editor that it was going to be late – but she’s lovely and crammed it in anyway!

I recently had a conversation with a friend of mine who works at the Wellness Centre on campus and she recommended that I do a sort of “Sex 101″ issue of my column because some of the questions she gets asked on the job are just outrageous! So, hopefully this will be both entertaining, for those of you that know this already, and informative for those of you who are less experienced. (These are all real questions folks!)

Is it true that if I have sex standing up or in water I won’t get pregnant?

Sex while standing up or in water can be pretty fun to try once in a while, but nothing will stop you from getting pregnant unless you are using a good form of birth control properly. (AND sure won’t protect you from STI’s!!) I can only guess that the curiosity about standing up has to do with gravity. Unfortunately gravity just isn’t an effective way to get sperm out of a vagina. The penis is very good at delivering sperm right to the cervix and the vagina even forms a little reservoir to keep it there. Similarly, sex in the water doesn’t wash away the sperm (douching after sex doesn’t quite do it either). A sperm is a tiny little cell and it usually manages to find a way to stay in the body and hunt down that egg.

Withdrawal works right?

Gah! No! Pulling out (or withdrawing) just before ejaculation is NOT a reliable form of birth control. There is the risk that the male might not pull out in time or that he could forget to pull out. AND pre-cum, which is excreted by the penis when it gets excited, can contain active sperm which can be on their way to their goal (i.e. the egg) before you even think about pulling out. Withdrawal also won’t protect you from possible STI infection. Condoms are cheap AND you can get them for free from the Wellness Centre, Student Health Services, or your RA – so stay safe and get yourself some free rubbers.

Can I get Pregnant at any time?

Yes. Technically, you can calculate your “danger days” which fall about halfway through your cycle (if you have a “normal” 28 day cycle, that’s ~ 14 days after your period), but I wouldn’t rely on this. You are most likely to get pregnant during the five days before ovulation, (especially) the day of ovulation, and two days after ovulation. But, again, don’t rely on this. Women can and have gotten pregnant at many different times of the month, even during their period; you really have no way of knowing for sure if you’ve got an active egg inside you (that’s why it’s called “cryptic ovulation”). Better safe than sorry – use a condom or other reliable form of birth control.

How should I store/carry around my condoms?

1. Not in your pants pocket.
2. Not at the bottom of your purse.

These are both places where your precious condoms are in danger of being bent, poked, or otherwise damaged. Ideally, the best place to store your condoms is safe and dry in their box on a shelf or in a drawer. However, it is always a good idea to have a condom on your person, because you never know what might happen (especially on bar night!). You can safely carry condoms in a smaller reinforced section of a bag or purse (just don’t leave your change in there with them) or in a jacket lining pocket. You could also check out getting some of those condoms that come in travel safe containers.

Remember to check your condoms every once in a while to make sure the package is intact and that it hasn’t expired. Always throw out condoms, regardless of expiration date, if they seem dry, brittle, discolored, or smell funny (or at least funnier than usual). Also, never use condoms with petroleum based lubricants (like Vaseline or baby oil) because these will cause the latex condom to rot.

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This post, SEX 101, originally appeared on the s spot on March 28, 2005. If you are viewing it anywhere other than in a feed reader, it was scraped illegally and without my permission. Please email the(dot)s(dot)spot(at)gmail(dot)com and let me know.
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