The Best Friend, Part 1
Wow readers, have I got a treat for you!
One of my very best friends (ironically, given the theme) is also into writing and wrote a fun and sexy short story.
He’s looking for feedback and so I offered to post it on my site; it’s a little long, so you’ll get to enjoy it in installments.
Please do leave your comments though, let him know what you think.
^_^
Here is part 1 of THE BEST FRIEND:
I hate it when girls call me a good guy. When girls say I’m nice, and easy going, when they say I have a good sense of humour, that I’m easy to talk to, when they call me a catch, I fucking hate them. Every guy does when it happens to him. Anyone who’s ever been asked, “How is it possible that a guy like you is still single?” hates the girl who’s asking him. And the reason is simple: because whenever a girl asks you that question, inevitably a single response pops into your head, “If I’m really so great, why aren’t we dating?”
When I was in high school, my best friend was a girl named Ash. In high school, talking to girls is awkward. It’s full of um’s and ah’s and trying to sound witty and cool when you’re neither. It involves trying to hide that crack in your voice, of trying to keep her facing the side of you with less acne, and of trying not to sound like a total loser. But not with Ash.
Ash was my best friend in high school. Ash was the kind of girl I could relax with. I could stop worrying about what to say and just be myself. She was the type of girl you took on bike rides through the woods to see the latest dead animal you found. The type of girl who would sneak into R-rated sci-fi movies with you. Ash was the type of girl who would beat you at videogames, then shove it in your face and do an annoying victory dance while you sat there emasculated and without retort.
Ash was the type of girl who would regularly call you a loser and a bum, while giving you a playful shove and big grin.
She was the girl next door. She was slim and had long black hair which she always wore in a pony tail under a baseball cap. She dressed like she should’ve been your brother, and for some strange reason, seeing this cute, B-cup girl dressed like a boy was an unusual turn on.
Ash was the girl that you get a crush on because you click.
High school is an era of awkwardly timed erections, of wet dreams and constant fantasizing. It was a time when you sometimes walked your bike home because you couldn’t ride a bike with a boner. It was a time when you developed crushes on your teachers based more on their breast size, and less on their attractiveness. High school was the time when you learned how to put on a condom by practicing on a cucumber during the Sex Ed section of Gym class.
Maybe it was the fact that Ash and I fit so well together, that we clicked on some level that I can’t describe, that we were best friends, or then again, maybe it was just the constant hard-ons, but it was around this time of sexual awakening that I started to fantasize about Ash. I started to wonder what would happen if we started dating, if I kissed her, if I married her, but mostly, if I put my penis in her. It was around that point that I got my crush on her.
You see when it comes to guys, there isn’t much difference between having fantasies and feelings for a girl. Hmmm, I would really love to stick my penis in her while she’s wearing a maid’s uniform and bent over my bed. I guess I love her.
So I decided to act.
…
On to PART TWO
Posted: April 28th, 2009 under erotica.
Comments
Comment from NDO
Time April 28, 2009 at 10:19 am
The tense is confusing for me. I get that the narrator is reflecting on memories of Ash, but then, in the last paragraph, it seems to jump into current tense, only to go back again. Putting the “hmmm” sentence in quotes would make it clearer that the narrator is using an expression and talking to himself.
Also, I cannot disagree more that there is little difference between fantasies and feelings for a girl. If that statement is true, then I am in love with half the women I’ve ever met. I’d venture to say that women tend to blend fantasy and feelings more than men do. My two cents.
That said, I like where the story is heading. There is a good and interesting voice and I like the images and memories from high school, as they seem a lot like mine!
Comment from Dee
Time April 28, 2009 at 11:09 am
Yeah, I know what you mean, NDO, but I think the writer is specifically recalling what it’s like at a young age. I agree that the lines of attraction and affection are more blurred early in development. It was later in high school when I learned to separate my heart from my penis (to some degree, at least), and I ended up dating my high school female best friend, and then marrying her six years later (best decision ever!). So, I am excited to see where this story goes, because it’s definitely bringing back some memories!
Comment from Karasu
Time April 28, 2009 at 10:14 pm
I like it so far, it intrigues me, i’m on highschool myself, don’t really have that problem but know plenty who do
Comment from NDO
Time April 29, 2009 at 5:21 pm
Right Dee, that is what I was thinking. It just doesn’t mesh, because it is stated as the narrator’s current thought, as opposed to being in past tense like the rest of the account.
Comment from Shay
Time April 29, 2009 at 5:36 pm
NDO, perhaps you need to be more fluid in your thinking. You’re not catching on to the purposeful shift in narration style.
Comment from NDO
Time April 30, 2009 at 10:19 am
I get that the shift is on purpose, I just don’t agree with the way the text is punctuated I guess:
You see when it comes to guys, there isn’t much difference between having fantasies and feelings for a girl. “Hmmm, I would really love to stick my penis in her while she’s wearing a maid’s uniform and bent over my bed. I guess I love her.”
The quote marks help signify the shift to the narrators stream of consciousness, away from the current narrative he’s recounting. It’s not a big deal or anything, but I think it makes it easier to read. But hell, I’m no editor. That might even make it worse. There was just such a small sample there to critique and enjoy that I wanted to make sure and give it any help I could.
Comment from Shay
Time April 30, 2009 at 10:22 am
I think he’s looking for more comments on the actual story – not the punctuation. Also, I disagree with your punctuation suggestion, I think italics would be much less disruptive while still setting that block apart.
Comment from NDO
Time May 1, 2009 at 11:27 am
I agree, italics would work better. Since this seems more like just the intro, I’ll reserve any comments on the story until after I’ve read more of it.
Comment from nice guy
Time May 15, 2009 at 12:17 am
Dang, I can REALLY relate to the first paragraph of the story. Highschool (up until college I was just plain awkward!). Having a job has given me a boost (read, money and power dressing and hot colleagues to boot!).
Unfortunately, I’m still getting branded as a nice guy!
It seems the ladies still love the bad boys! Oh well, their loss(?)
Comment from Evan
Time April 28, 2009 at 3:46 am
I really like it, this seems like it’ll be good.