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“Hey, Shay, long time reader, first time desperate advice seeker.
At the tender age of 25, I just figured out how to make myself orgasm. As I’ve been a pretty sexually active girl who *thought* she knew her own body for the past 12 years, it came as quite a shock. The worst part is that I’ve only ever been able to manage it with anal and clitoral stimulation – I have to overload my body. I thought it wasn’t possible for girls to come from anything but their clit or their g-spot… am I super broken, or do I just have a few wires crossed?(The worst part of all of this is how bad I feel when my awesome boyfriend doesn’t make me come during sex. I’ve explained it to him, and he says he understands and he’s cool with it, but still I feel kinda bad.)“
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with you – there’s no rule for what is or isn’t supposed to make your orgasm.
There are all kinds of little hot spots and buttons all over our bodies and any combination (or repeated pressings – to really push my metaphor to the edge) could work for someone. You just have a different combination of buttons that work for you than what the mainstream media would like you to believe is common.
In fact, I’m just happy you figured out how to orgasm at all! A sad amount of women never even get to figure out as much as you have already.
Maybe you and your boyfriend could experiment with other ways that you can “overload” your body – you might not be able find a way to orgasm with him, but it sure could be a lot of fun trying! ^_^ Most women can’t orgasm during sex – they just can’t seem to get the right kind of stimulation from penetrative vaginal sex. Some of these women may also not be able to tell if they DO orgasm during sex, because it might not feel the same as when they masturbate (for example it could be a less intense version of their orgasm, or feel like it’s focused somewhere else).
So basically: keep having fun, keep enjoying yourself with your boyfriend, and grab your orgasms where and when you can – don’t stress so much about the how.
From a man’s perspective, I have experienced lovers who enjoy conventional cock-in-pussy sex but do not achieve orgasm from that. Don’t get discouraged. Experimentation is the key . . . some of these women get off on cunnilingus, anal sex, stuffing with fingers or a fist, vibrators, spanking or some combination of these techniques. A good lover will keep playing with the woman until they discover what works best for them, and enjoy the variety.