Dangerous Fantasies

“Dear Shay,

I stumbled on your blog through someone else’s blog and I really like that it strives to be informative as well as being provocative. I saw that you answer reader questions and I thought it might be a good opportunity to ask about something that has been bothering me and weighing heavily that you might be able to provide some insight on. So here it goes….

I am a single male who is not in a relationship or even casually dating.  I know a lot of women and most of my friends are women. They are the people who I feel comfortable talking to and I trust 100%. Unfortunately, all my female friends are either married or in relationships. There is one subject that I don’t talk to them about, and that is sex. I feel like that particular subject is a relationship-ey subject and since I’m not married or dating any of them, I set that boundary so it won’t negatively affect my relationships with them or create something questionable that might be misinterpreted by their significant others.

Since I’m not in a relationship or dating, I masturbate…a lot.  Of my female friends, there are four of them that I find very attractive. I (secretly) refer to them as my “angels.” They are the only four women who I fantasize about when I masturbate who I actually know and aren’t celebrities.

I live alone and don’t have anyone to talk to about personal matters. I carry around all these thoughts and desires and have nobody to tell about them. I wish that I could talk openly to my angels about sex, my thoughts, desires, and fantasies about all my celebrities. I really wish I could tell them what I think of them and what I do when I think of them. Nothing good can ever come of it and there’s a 98% chance I’ll never tell them (I reserve 2% for whatever stupidity and poor judgment I may have), but I think about it a lot.

I’d like to hear your thoughts, analysis, and insights on my situation and your recommendations. Thanks for taking the time to read this.“

It’s a dangerous thing, fantasizing/masturbating about people that you know who you can’t have. That’s one line that I’ve always drawn for myself. It’s just not a good idea to sexually fantasize about people in your real life. Whether you want it to or not, it’s the sort of thing that can start unconsciously (or consciously) affecting your relationships with these people, and not always for the positive.

I don’t know about your “angels”, but I know that I can almost always tell when a guy is into me; and when the feelings aren’t mutual things can get uncomfortable.

One of my suggestions, if you don’t already write a blog, is to start one – this will give you an outlet for your thoughts and (hopefully) even an audience for you to bounce ideas off of. Other than that, I think you should probably not tell your “angels” that you masturbate about them, especially if you avoid talking about sex with your female friends. Depending on the woman, they might be okay with it (maybe even flattered) but it is also very likely that they could be creeped out – you might know better than me though, since I’ve never met them.

My final piece of advice to you is to see if any of your unavailable female friends have single friends that you could possibly date. Don’t be shy, make a move, and stay out of the “friend zone.”

I hope that sort-of answered your questions. ^_~

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