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“My partner and I live in an apartment with rather thin walls and often worry about whether or not our neighbours can hear us when we have sex. This made us a bit self-conscious when we first moved in, but since then we’ve learned to keep the noise level down over time.
Still, it is a bit restrictive and I think we would probably both enjoy a little bit more acoustic freedom. I’ve thought about playing music to cover our sounds but hearing someone singing seems to distract and it is difficult to find instrumental music that isn’t at least somewhat out of sync with our mood.
I was wondering if you had any suggestions for dealing with this issue. Surely we’re not the only couple that has it. Suggestions to cover the noise? Innocuous ways to test how loud we can be? Ways to turn this enforced silence into something playful?“
First of all, I would like to mention that THIS probably would not be a good solution for you. ^_~
I’ve had to deal with this issue quite a lot in a lot of different living arrangements. In fact, a few months after moving out of a shared house, I found out that the housemate who I shared a wall with quite often heard me having sex, but had been too shy to say anything when I was still living there (and yet never let it get in the way of our friendship – I guess they didn’t mind THAT much ^_~).
Music is a fairly good option for concealing sex sounds because it can cover up a lot of moaning, etc. I have used it quite a few times (I’m assuming successfully, since I didn’t hear any complaints). I don’t know what kind of music you listen to, but I guess everyone is built a little differently; with different tastes and levels of distractibility – and it sounds like this option is out for you.
Perhaps it’s for the best, being known as the jerks who play their music too loud is not much better than being known as the couple who has loud sex. ^_~
Other than music, a fan or a white noise machine can help a lot – I find that it helps mask my own noise as well as masking/blocking sounds coming from other apartments. (I once lived in a place where I HAD to have a fan on at night, otherwise I could hear too much talking coming from outside/the hall/other apartments.)
If you’re really worried, you could get some foam padding (the kind you put on a mattress), cut it into squares, and put the squares up on your walls – this will help absorb and dissipate the sound before it leaves the apartment (my high school’s music room used this method). Try getting different coloured pieces foam, or painting it so that it will look like a huge installation of wall art. ^_^
But before you start going crazy sound-proofing, sit quietly for a little while in your apartment, at a time when you know your neighbours are at home and active. Try to figure out how well you can hear them through the walls; if you can’t hear them, they probably can’t hear you either.
Also, do go over and make friends with your neighbours; it’s easier to deal with a noisy neighbour if you know or even like them already.
It is important to be a good neighbour and try to keep your noise levels down to acceptable levels (i.e. blasting guitar hero at 12am = not so nice, but moderate TV at 8 pm should be fine), but it’s also not completely your responsibility if the building’s walls are thin and it is up to your neighbours to do a little sound-proofing too if they expect to live in complete tranquility.
Having to be quiet every so often isn’t so bad either – in fact, you could make it into a fun and sexy game where you both try to be as quiet as you possibly can: only letting each other know how well things are going with your ragged breathing. ^_~
I hope that helps!
I’m so glad you mentioned that xkcd comic, that’s all I can think about when I hear “loud sex”. You could try egg cartons for sound deadening (if necessary), I hear they work quite well.
The noise machine’s a good idea. My neighbor turns on loud music whenever she’s having sex (and at some other times too) and I just hear both sets of noises. :(
“Don’t let the neighbors
Stop you from havin’ fun,
They’ll have peace and quiet
When you’re good and done.”
Not sure I believe that, but it’s not every day I get to quote Avenue Q lyrics.
I gotta say….I would much rather hear the sounds of a good enjoyable fuck than loud music. The sex would annoy me a whole lot less.
And unless I’m in a really foul mood, or its after midnight and you’re preventing me from sleeping…it’ll likely turn me on enough to either get frisky with my partner or my favorite vibe.
To my knowledge, the white noise machine isn’t a two-way street. white noise isn’t going to travel thru the wall – but your moans and groans (louder than a normal speaking voice) will.
If I didn’t have fans going at night, I’d NEVER sleep.
sometimes you just gotta move.
every time i go to rent a place i ask the landlord about the sound quality of the walls. can someone hear me? can i hear them?
it’s a bit akward, but neccisary. and if someone complains you can say that you brought it up when you rented.
If you need to make a big sound, do it. Often, there is just nothing stopping a good orgasm from becoming really loud. Just go for it.
Any idea how one might go about this in a dorm? (Where you can’t alter the walls permanently)
Whenever it gets louder, just invite the neighbours to join in.
Oh man, all bets are off in a dorm College Girl! Seriously though, a lot of these tips will work just fine (fans and/or music for masking noise) in a dorm and you could still try sticking the foam on your wall, you’d just have to use double sided tape that you can remove.
On the subject of silencing materials, Egg cartons don’t really help, nor does foam unless the foam is quite dense – the kind of foam you get on a sofa or mattress is far too light, look for 3 times that dense. It should be softer than a bedroll though. Sparring/exercise mats are probably the closest common item to real acoustic foam. Alternate layers soft and hard if you can with a soft one on top to reduce echos. Echos are what foam is usually used to deal with. The stuff shown here is a good example of real acoustic foam http://www.soundprooffoam.com/.
Basically though you won’t have too much effect unless you can modify the wall, building another false wall with an inch gap from the existing one will have more effect than most games with foam. Read up on home theater design for useful tips on the web.