“Hi Shay, I love reading your blog, and it’s been very helpful in so many ways. Here is the crux… I was married previously, now divorced, and my previous husband left me an unwanted present. Six months after our divorce I found out I had Genital Herpes, how nice huh?! I’ve read all I can about the disease, talked with my doctor, 80% of the population has it, I rarely get break outs, and am always a safety girl when having sex with current hubby (not that I’m currently having any), but what I’m wondering is about oral sex? Can he contract the disease from me that way, or a variation of Herpes? Even when I don’t have a break out? Any suggestions or knowledge you have would be appreciated.“
Ugh, what a horrible parting gift, but look on the bright side: at least you got rid of him before he gave you something worse. :)
Unfortunately Herpes is a feisty little virus that can be transmitted by oral sex, even if you don’t have any visible breakouts (it’s that darn asymptomatic viral shedding). So, with your current husband you’ll have to decide together what level of risk is acceptable, because anything fun is going to put him at risk for contracting the virus as well.
However, you can make things safer by always using condoms for penetrative sex and dental dams for oral sex. You can make a quick dental dam out of a condom (try using a flavoured one) by snipping off the tip, cutting through the side and unrolling it into a sheet that he can lay over your vag before giving it a good licking.
It won’t be quite the same, but it’ll be safer and it’ll be something – which is better than nothing.
I wish I could help more.
<3
It is not 80% who have it. The correct answer is that for all of the STDs out there, herpes is the one that 80% of infected people have. Not 80% of the population.
I thought her estimate seemed high – I’m sure that’s what she meant
I need to troll for a sex ed nurse…
http://janeyruthsscreenplays.blogspot.com/
These viral things can stay dormant for so long. You can’t be sure the ex husband gave it to you either. It could be one of your previous partners before marriage, heck you could have given it to HIM.
The thing with herpes is that it is so common, yet not usually tested for even in STD screenings. So it slips through, and you can carry it for a long time without knowing.
Not to mention facial cold sores.
They can transmit down there too during oral sex.
:(
hb
I think 80% of the population has some form of herpes, but not genital herpes. Since cold sores are caused by the same herpes, a lot of people have it. A good resource for her is http://www.herpes.com.
sorry the link should be:
http://www.herpes.com
Chech http://www.stdpal.com to find how other herpes singles manage herpes and encounter their dating
Yeesh … tough question to answer.
And 80% of the population do NOT have genital herpes.
Herpes simplex 1 exposure, probably, but that’s cold sores and a very different thingy.
*sigh* gadfly you’re wrong.
the last stat i read said that something like 1/6 people have herpes and don’t know it… and something like 40% have warts and don’t know it.
regardless. herpes is herpes, oral can be transmitted to genitals and genital can infect you orally. there are two types and *generally* if you have one type you’re immune to the other.
my current has antibodies for one and i have two which is pretty funny if you ask me…
personally i can’t comprehend having herpes and not knowing it but i have incredible body awareness compared to the average. look for the ‘electric itch’ it’s a nearly sure sign you’re shedding and about to get an outbreak.
current research shows that it’s VERY difficult to transmit to males from females but very easy male to female (go mucous membranes…)
anyway this girl should talk to her doctor and have her lover talk to his doctor and go from there. i’ve had it for 14 years and never shared and know a woman with it married 22 and never shared either…
get aware, pay attention, wash with soap when in doubt and good luck… and frankly? it’s no big deal, if he gets it he gets it…
be VERY careful when you have outbreaks by the way, you can self-transmit as well.
ps – feel free to email me with questions…
Thanks BIG, you’re awesome
I’ll go research. My info is a decade or so out of date, so I’ll spot ya for now.
Nope, I’m right.
your little sigh was petulant and uncalled for. Normally, I wouldn’t mention it, but saying something as goofy as “herpes is herpes” after belittling me calls out for it. Ever heard of a thing called “zoster”
Most people have been exposed to simplex 1 and have developed immunity to it. Only a percentage of people continue to have outbreaks through their lives.
Yes, it can be spread to the genitals. It has been understood for decades that both strains can switch places. I thought that was a given, so I didn’t bring it up.
But for the vast, VAST majority of cases, it is SIMPLEX 2 that is the gift that keeps on giving.
One interesting tidbit I did uncover is that cases of oral Simplex 2 are on the rise. Fun :(
Shay–How did I miss this during oral week?? Gonna add you into the blogroll…heart your blog!!~~Dee
Actually, And 80% of the population do NOT have genital herpes.
Herpes simplex 1 exposure, probably, but that’s cold sores and a very different thingy.
Very close to being correct. They are in fact, the same family.
Herpes is not just herpes. Thats a common myth with the teenagers that come into the clinic I work at.
There is a huge difference between HSV-1 and HSV-2. They require different treatments, one is a hell of a lot common than the other, etc.
In medical charts, we have to be very clear on the type. Simply putting ‘herpes’ and acting like it’s all the same can get us into deep shit.
The point though, is that not even close to 80% of the population has gentile herpes. You can’t compare HSV-1 to HSV-2.
Gadfly, your last post is indeed correct.
The STD clinic I work at does seminars where we have Q&A’s with the local highschools. It breaks my heart when a student comes to school with a cold and everyone assumes the kid has been having sex and now has an STD. A lot of them compare it to much worse things.
There is so much false stuff going around. Clearly, even people who have had it for years are a tad uneducated about it.
Nancy: Thank you, ma’am *hat tip*
Hi Shay,
Thanks for posting this for me. First I want to thank “haaaa”, for sending me to the website it was informative and very helpful.
Secondly, was that 80% was in regards to people who have some form of STD. I got that info from a different website then the one haaa directed me to, but I did find this on that website, “Some 22% of adult Americans from all backgrounds, income levels, and ethnic groups have HSV-2.” I think that is still a pretty high percentage.
I also wanted to say that I have always been a “Safety girl” in regards to my sexual life, and have been repeatedly tested through my Doctor to make sure I am healthy. There is nothing worse to me than having something that could potentially harm another. It is irresponsible, and I am accountable for the actions I take in my life. That is why I know for a fact that I contracted this from my ex, I don’t say it out of anger, just from facts.
The bottom line for me bringing this to Shay in the first place was to talk about it. I still can’t believe the number of young men and women I come into contact with during a conversation who aren’t practicing safe and healthy sex.
It’s very scary, but even worse sad, because some STDs can cause real harm and even death.
Well, that’s enough blather, thank you to all who commented, and for the extra info.
I have both types and believe me I would rather have genital than oral anyday. The oral hurts more and is visible to the whole world. Where I live 1 in 4 women have type II and 1 in 12 men. It is much easier for women to get because we have much more sensitive skin in our genital region and it gets more knicks and tears during sex so the virus can get in. My partners chance of catching it from me is 1 in 8 over the year.
As long as your partner has good dental health and no gingivitis his chance of catching it through oral sex is remote, we have very good antipathogen protection in our mouths.