“My Girlfriend led me to your Blog. I have a question about Porn. I do enjoy watching it every once in a while. My girlfriend has never seen an adult movie and has shown some curiosity. However, the home she grew up in was very conservative and uptight. She says that the guilt after watching a porn would ruin it for her. Any suggestions on how to gently get her to feel a little less ashamed about this sort of thing? And, any movies you suggest for her first time? Thanks a million.“
Firstly, it makes me very sad to hear that your partner experiences such guilty feelings about watching porn. This might be an issue that neither of us can do anything about – if her past is affecting her so much that her guilt restricts her from enjoying different aspects of her sexuality, it might be a good idea to have a sex therapist step in and work on this issue with her (assuming she’s interested in working on these unfortunate feelings inflicted by a repressive upbringing).
But in the meantime, the two of you could talk about what it is about porn that makes her feel guilty. Is it how it makes her feel when she watches it (i.e. getting turned on by it), or is it something about the films that she has seen previously?
Many women do not enjoy the same kinds of porn that men do – they (we) can find some porn degrading and disrespectful to women. Plus, it’s sometimes hard to identify with the women we see in porn designed for men – we couldn’t imagine ourselves being her and don’t find ourselves attracted to her – seeing a silicon-y woman being flipped around into a hundred different positions and shared between 3 guys with hardly a moment to breathe doesn’t always do it for female porn viewers.
Here is where films oriented more towards women can be the key to enjoying a nice porno with your partner – they’ll have more of a plot (to turn on our brains too), the women are often more “natural”, there’s pretty men as well as pretty women, and the sex can be slower – and, sometimes the woman is in control!
A lot of online toy companies have special sections with porn aimed a women, so I don’t expect that you’ll have too much trouble finding a title that you can both enjoy together. But just in case, here are some suggestions:
Pirates (a personal fave of mine – even the R rated version is great!)
Edge Play
Fluff and Fold
and, of course, Comstock Films
“Pirates” and “Fluff and Fold”–excellent suggestions! I haven’t seen “Edge Play,” but now I’ll look for it–I assume it’s different than “The Edge” (which I liked).
No reason to feel guilty or weird about watching actors enjoy sex. It’s far more healthy than watching them fight or kill each other!
Yeah! That’s a good point!
i like pirates.
nothing like orgasming to lesbian pirates
Well answered, Shay babe. Very considerate and intelligent.
My inner dickhead wants to say “for a kid” … but no. Period. :o)
sinGAL – haha
Gad – Thanks “pops” ^_~
i just have one thing to add
she may be like me and just prefer her porn in text form. try reading some lovely smut to each other.
actually that might be a nice lead in for her.
Down here in the south porn is shunned by society, so guilty feelings at first are common. She just needs to be exposed to porn for a while and they’ll go away.
If you can, try to let her pick the actors/actresses in the porn you show her… being attracted to the people in the porn (and their genitalia) helps a lot to see it as sexy and beautiful instead of gross.
Don’t think you’re too big to fit across my knee, young lady ;-)
start out by sending her pics of your wang via cell phone…
that or the softcore stuff they show on cable
Why would she need therapy??
What’s wrong with not wishing to watch porn ?
Why do some of you even say “She just needs to be exposed to porn”.
Is it a NEED ?
I think she’s totally fine the way she is, if she’s not ok with porn, then she isn’t. Period. If you love her, you’ll be totally ok with that or you will try to understand her well and deeply rather than finding way to get her into something she’s not into..
I find it pretty scary how we get to even suggest therapy for something as natural as not wanting to watch two actors faking sex or having it in front of others for money’s sake..
BIG – That is a very good idea, reading erotica can be much more effective at turning on your downstairs via your upstairs for many people.
hc – I really like that idea of letting her pick the porn!
Gad – will I ever be? ^_~ haha
Exile – yeah, they could try making their own ^_^ haha sometimes the softcore stuff is too softcore tho, most of the time, when I try to watch it, I end up more absorbed in the “plot”.
Anon – Reading the pre-amble, it doesn’t seem to me that she “just isn’t into porn”, it sounds like it’s more about the guilt – guilt that she shouldn’t feel about watching two actors playing out a natural expression of physical love (even if it is faked and doesn’t always seem romantic – but that’s the fault of the vid you chose to watch, there are more romantic options out there). I think it’s pretty scary that you think it’s alright for society/her family to make any woman or man feel guilty about sexuality and sexual freedom.
I would never suggest that a woman who watches and enjoys porn should see a therapist, so I can’t understand why a woman who don’t feel ok watching it should be encouraged to get psycho-therapy.
As for porn playing out the natural expression of physical love, well, no comment about that..
read the response above
In any case, no one ever said that she HAD to go for therapy or even that she should – all I said was that this was something she COULD work on with a sex therapist IF she WANTED to.
Hi there…
Hi Shay, I also would like to suggest reading porn story, there’s alot in internet and it can get her started.