We all know that Santa Claus can see you when you’re sleeping and knows when you’re awake – but I’ve always wondered if he knows WHAT you’re doing when you’re awake in bed.
Thanks to the Onion, I now know the answer to my question:
“Why, Jolly Old Saint Nick hasn’t seen a Yule log this lit in ages! Ho, ho, ho! Dear child, I saw you masturbating!
And it hasn’t been just once either! Oh, no! Santa’s seen you at least twice splashing away in the bathtub, three times in the attic with one of your mother’s old art-history books, and more times than even he can count spread out like a stunned partridge on that beanbag chair of yours!
You see, Santa’s been keeping a list. Just like the one you keep in your head of all your favorite classmates. The one you’ve checked so much more than twice. Except when Santa thinks about his list, he doesn’t rub his crotch feverishly against the smooth contours of his writing desk. Ho, ho, ho!
I see you when you’re sleeping, child, and I know when you’re awake. And, believe it or not, I even know when you’re just pretending to sleep, but really have your rosy palms down the front of your britches.”
How many times has Santa watched YOU being naughty? Santa must never have to worry about buying or downloading porn – he’s got a massive collection of amateurs at his finger tips whenever he wants!!
hmmm that’s kinda hot. See if Santa wa really paying attention he’d bring me a new vibrator for Christmas…
Oh god lord this week alone has put Santa to shame! ;)
I am definitely on the naughty list and proud of it!
Santa and I have an understanding:
If it’s not against the law, it’s all good. Besides, unless he sends me a significant other to play with, he doesn’t have much say in the matter, now does he?
That is all. ;o)
Dammit. but there was so much I’d like jammed in my little stocking…
We’re safe, Shay . . . with billions of horny people to watch, there’s no way he’d ever spend much time keeping an eye on any one of us! His mind would overload . . .
At my age (66) he has lost count of the times he’s seen me being “naughty”. This may explain why he hasn’t brought me anything since I was 12! Oh well, playing with my ding-a-ling is more fun than getting presents anyway! Ho ho ho!
I think he would catch me stroking my cock in the bathtub.
Ryann – hmm I wonder if his elves can make those…
Pandora – hahaha!
Teacher – me too! We should have someone make a button!
M_D – haha I think that is very good reasonning! ^_^
Q – *giggle*
Cherrie – well at least now we know what he does in the off season…
Mike – hahaha!! You dirty old man ^_~
Sutton – oh yeah? is that your most popular place?